Searching for Truth
by winterangel06
Summary: Complete: John and Natalie Fan Fic dealing with John as he trys to find his fathers killer.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One **

"Seriously Natalie, what part of 'stay the hell out of this', don't you understand?" John McBain snapped angrily from his desk as he tried unsuccessfully to get her to leave.

Shaking her head angrily, Natalie Buchanan marched toward him, her eyes flashing. "Why can't you just let me help you on this?"

"Like how you tried to help and almost got yourself killed by that George guy? Thanks but no thanks."

"John you're being ridiculous…" Natalie began.

"And you're being stupid." John slammed his fist angrily on his desk. "Jesus Christ Natalie, I have enough on my mind right now then to have to worry about saving you for the millionth time. Just leave this alone."

Natalie felt as if she had been slapped. "I never asked to be saved," she said coldly.

Rolling his eyes, John turned back to the picture he was studying. "Good, then you won't mind if I stop being your fucking protector and deal with more important things like finding my father's killer."

Trying not to let him show how much he had hurt her, Natalie stormed toward his desk and threw down the files she was carrying. Just as she was about to leave, the photograph on his desk caught her eye.

Before John could stop her she picked it up and studied it. It was date stamped in the corner, making Natalie think it was a screen cap of a surveillance video. The picture was of a man, faced down in a pool of blood. Beside it where the words, "Stop budding into this McBain or you're next," written in thick black marker. But that wasn't what caught Natalie's eye... Beside the body stood a young girl, a look of fear etched on to her small face.

Looking at the picture, Natalie was stuck with a strange sense of familiarity but before she could put her finger on it, John snatched the picture form her hands. "Get the hell out of here Natalie."

"John…" Natalie began, suddenly worried about the threat he had obviously just received, but John wouldn't hear her.

"Just go."

Suddenly shaken by both the picture and by John reaction toward her, Natalie turned and left the room. But for the rest of the day something about the picture plagued her. She knew it was probably something pointless, like she had been in that ally at some point, but despite her efforts, Natalie couldn't place what it was.

Later that night, Natalie bolted awake and looked over at her beside clock which read 2:04. Suddenly she jumped out of her bed.

It was that god awful dress.

Making sure she remained silent, Natalie rushed from her bedroom and made her way downstairs to the Llanfair living room. Closing the doors softly behind her she went over to the bookshelf to the right of the fireplace and skimmed through the contents until she found the photo album listed as Natalie.

Ever since finding out Natalie was a Buchanan, Vicki had been trying to make up for lost time by snapping as many pictures as possible – birthdays, holidays, weddings – anything that mattered, and Natalie remembered that Roxy had made sure to give Vicki copies of a few pictures that had been taken of her childhood. Hoping that Roxy had included her kindergarten class picture – the only school picture that existed of her – Natalie began to flip through the pages.

It was five pages into the album.

Her hands shaking, Natalie carefully tore the picture from its page and stood up.

She had to be sure.

Trying not to panic, Natalie grabbed her keys, quietly let herself out of the house, and then all but ran down the driveway to her car. Jumping behind the wheel, she peeled out of the driveway and made her way toward the police station, probably breaking about five traffic laws along the way. After pulling into the nearest parking spot, Natalie jumped from her car and ran inside the building, still clutching the photo. If Natalie realized that she was still wearing the duck covered pajama pants Jessica had given her for Christmas, she didn't care, nor did she care about the oversized unmatching Llanview University tee-shirt that covered them or the messy ponytail her red hair had been pulled back in.

At this point, nothing mattered.

Assuming that at this hour John would be back at the hotel room fast asleep, Natalie let herself into his office and crossed the room to his desk. Carelessly she pushed paper aside and went through files until she saw the glassy photograph peeking out. Picking it up with one hand, she held up the now creased picture from her childhood and looked at them together.

Feeling as if she may pass out, Natalie didn't even hear John enter the room until he swore angrily under his breath. "You know, the second you refused to throw that pool tournament I should have realized what I was getting myself into… God Natalie can't you…" John trailed off as he noticed her pale face and shaking hands.

"Natalie?" he asked softly, instantly knowing something was bothering her.

"Sorry," she said quickly, dropping the crime scene photo onto his desk and rushing toward the door. But, John was quicker and blocked the exit. Seeing that she was clutching something, John gently grabbed her and easily pried the picture from her still shaking hands. Letting go of her, John looked down at the picture, his eyes widening as he realized what he was looking at.

It was the same girl from the picture he had received earlier. The same girl who had stood beside his father's body after he had been shot.

His eyes narrowing, John looked at Natalie. "Didn't I tell you to stay out of this? Where the hell did you get this?"

Unable to meet his eyes, she looked away and remained silent.

Putting his hands on her shoulder, John's voice began to rise until he was almost yelling. "Natalie, who is this child… how did you get her picture?"

Finally meeting his eyes, Natalie drew in a shaky breath.

"It's me. The girl in the picture is me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two **

Letting go of Natalie's shoulders, John took a few steps backwards. For once in his life, he was at a complete loss in terms of thoughts or words. Luckily, after turning away from him, Natalie began to speak. 

"When I saw the picture this afternoon, I knew there was something familiar about the picture, but I couldn't place it. Thought maybe I had just been in the alley at some point, never really thought it could be anything more then that." She was pacing now, trying to remain calm, but her words were coming out in a jumbled rush. "But it was that dress… that stupid, tacky dress."

"Roxy bought it at some thrift shop – you can't tell in the picture you got because it's black and white, but it was lime green and pink with sequins. Some sort of child's beauty pageant costume. I had just turned five when she brought it home – she wanted me to wear it for my first day of school, said the pictures would look real nice. I didn't want too… it was hideous. I screamed and cried, threw it at her, then Walter came home. He slapped me around a bit, told me to be grateful I had a mother to buy me nice things. Needless to say I ended up wearing it."

At the mention of her being hit by Walter, John's head shot up. He knew Natalie had lived a hard life, but she never talked about her childhood, and for her to be doing so now, it showed how much this photo was disturbing her.

"As if to punish me, Roxy made me wear that damn thing nearly everyday for a month. Then I never saw it again. I guess now I know why."

John looked down at the picture he held of Natalie. Her red hair was down in a tangled mess around her shoulders, her arms were crossed defiantly across her chest and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a smile on her face. Even at five, she had Natalie's trademark "pissed off" look.

"Natalie, we can't be sure it's you in the picture…" John said once he finally found his voice.

Storming over to his desk, Natalie grabbed the picture of his fathers murder and handed it to him. "It's me John. No matter how bad the quality is, or how dark it was that night, that child standing beside you're father is me." Tears began to fall from Natalie's eyes. "Oh God," she said beginning to sound hysterical. "What if it was me? What if I was the one that shot your father? Oh God," she moaned. Suddenly feeling sick to her stomach, Natalie put a hand over her mouth and bolted from the room running toward the nearest woman's washroom.

Not caring who saw or what gossip for started, John ran after her and followed her into the washroom, closing and locking the door behind him. He stood motionless by the door, listening to the sound of Natalie throwing up, mixed with her sobbing. After waiting a few minutes to make sure she was done, John spoke.

"Natalie, please come out."

"No." Natalie cried out. "Just leave, I can't look at you knowing I may have been the one… the one…"

Frustrated, John ran his fingers through his hair and sat down with his back against the stall. "Natalie, you didn't kill my father."

"You don't know that – you weren't there." Natalie said, her tears beginning to subside. "It could have been me…"

"No it couldn't have been." John said forcefully. "First off, I know you. I may not have known you when you were five, but the Natalie I know now would never be the one to shoot someone else – not now and not then. Secondly, forensic evidence proves that my father was shot by someone the same height as him. Even if you were standing on a box, you wouldn't have reached the same height. Third, what's the motive? What motive would you, a five year old, have to shoot a cop? Natalie, it wasn't you. You weren't the person who shot him."

Natalie reminded silent for a few minutes, forcing herself to calm down and taking in everything John was saying. "But, why was I there that night John? Why don't I remember being there?" Natalie drew in a shaky breath and leaned against the cool metal wall of the bathroom stall. "Obviously I saw something."

"I don't know Natalie, but we'll find out." John said softly, still in shock over the events of the last 20 minutes. Never in a million years would he have expected there to be an eye witness to his father's shooting, or that it would end up being Natalie.

Happy that the wall separated them, Natalie questioned his earlier words. "We'll find out?"

Sighing in defeat, John nodded despite the fact she couldn't see him. As much as he hated it, Natalie was involved – at this point even more then he was. She was the only eye witness and as a cop, John knew anything she could offer, anything she could remember would be useful. "You still need those field hours don't you?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three **

Much later that morning, Natalie walked back into the police station carrying two large cups of coffee and a bag carrying two bagels. After all the drama that had occurred in the woman's washroom, John had driven Natalie back to Llanfair insisting that she get some sleep. The drive had been silent, both of them taking the time to absorb everything that had occurred. Although it had been a shock to Natalie to find out she had witnessed the shooting of John's father, it was equally just as shocking to John. Both of them had lost sleep over the news, as similar questions kept them awake all night.

John had arrived at the station before Natalie, and wasted no time in heading straight for Bo's office. Not wanting to find himself in anymore trouble, he filled Bo in on the picture, threatening note and gently broke the news that his niece was the young girl. Despite it all, Bo took it well. Although he tried not to let it show, Natalie was Bo's favorite out of all his nieces and nephews, and once again he found himself beating himself up over the fact that it was over twenty-years before anyone knew she existed. After listening to John explain how Natalie needed field hours, and how he could use any information she had, Bo agreed to assign Natalie to this case, only after making John assure that he would keep his niece safe – not only physically but also mentally.

John was just getting settled into his office when he heard a soft knock on his door. Instantly knowing it was Natalie, John called her in and was pleasantly surprised when she set down a large coffee and bagel in front of him.

"A peace offering." She explained as she shrugged off her coat and took a seat across from him. Seeing his puzzled expression, she continued, but busied herself with unwrapping her own bagel as to avoid looking at him. "I'm sorry I feel apart on you last night, I don't really do that."

John managed a small smile. "It's fine. I um… I also owe you an apology. The things I said yesterday were uncalled for, I'm sorry."

Natalie shook her head. "Forget it," she said, trying not to let him see how much his words yesterday had hurt her. Once they were finished eating, John handed her the picture that he had been sent. "One of the main things about being a forensic technician is being able to pick up on things. What do you see?" He asked, leaning back in his chair interested in what she would pick up on.

Natalie studied the picture for a few minutes, trying hard to avoid the image of herself. Finally she looked across at him. "The first thing that struck me yesterday is the date stamp. This isn't the usual stamp from a camera – it's the type made by a video camera, I am guessing a surveillance camera."

Intrigued, John raised an eyebrow. "Why would you say that? This shot was taken in an alley, why would there be a surveillance camera?"

Natalie shrugged her shoulders. "It's rare, but not impossible. Both Rodi's and the bar I worked back in AC had surveillance outside in the alley's. Not only is it a method of protecting the employees that have to take the trash out or something, but most burglars and vandals break in through the back entrance holding the assumption that there will be no cameras."

"You sound like you're speaking from personal experience," John remarked.

"I worked in a lot of seedy bars before coming here…" Natalie managed a small smile. "And well, when I was in high school I hung around with a rough crowd… I picked up a few things from them." Turning her attention back to the picture, Natalie got down to business. "So based on that, my guess is that this picture is a screen capture of the surveillance footage. The other thing I noticed is the expression on the girls face."

Although he noticed that Natalie was detaching herself from her involvement, John remained quiet.

"She's terrified, and I don't think it's just because of what she saw."

"What do you mean?" John asked gently, not sure where she was going with this.

"Well, if she was just a five year old child that had just stumbled onto this scene, she would probably have bolted. Freaked out and ran. At five, a child not only knows how to run, but also how to hide. She's not hiding; she's standing there, looking down at him. She saw what happened, she was there watching it all. Plus there's blood spatter on the dress. So she was close."

John grabbed the photo from where Natalie had discarded it. "I don't see any blood," he said as he studied the photo.

"Left hand side of the dress, right under the collar, there are three small drops of blood." Sensing John's confusion, Natalie explained. "In black and white it just blends in with the sequins, but I vividly remember that dress, I was able to spot it."

Now seeing what she meant, John nodded. He was impressed. When he had first heard Natalie was trying for this position, he had thought it was a disaster waiting to happen. But, he had just been proven wrong. She had a great eye.

"That was great Natalie… really great." John said sincerely.

Natalie smiled slightly embarrassed. "Thanks."

"Okay, I know I asked you this last night, but I have to ask again. You have no memory of that night? No idea of why you would have been there? No memory of my father?"

Natalie shook her head. "I laid awake thinking about it for hours John, I have no memory of that night. In fact, most of my memory of that entire time of my life is just a blur."

Knowing that it was common for both children that had been abused, and/or witnesses to trauma to lose their memories, John didn't push it. Instead he took another angle. "Okay, I know Roxy wasn't the world's greatest mother but wouldn't she know if her five year old was sneaking out or running away in the middle of the night?"

Once again Natalie shook her head. "I didn't start sneaking out until I was eight or nine, plus when this picture was taken, Rex was still at home. I hardly ever left him at night because he got scared of the dark and Walter used to go off on him about it."

John made a few more notes and examined the picture again. "If I could just find out what my father had been working on, I think everything would fall into place."

"Was his former partner any help?" Natalie asked, having known that John met with that man last week.

Not even wanting to know how she knew that detail John didn't ask. "Not really. He just told me my dad was secretly working on something. Apparently whatever it was, was big, and he had wanted to gather enough evidence and facts before bringing it to his superiors. You know, the way I knew my dad, he was always by the book. Whatever this was it had to be huge."

"Have you asked your mom if she was aware of anything?"

John slightly flushed, and looked away. Natalie's eyes widened in shock. "Please tell me you at least told her you were re-opening his case." John just remained silent.

"John you have to tell her. She could maybe even be some help."

John sighed. "I know. I know. I was actually thinking about heading down to AC today… do you want to tag along?" John suddenly asked. "While we are down there we can visit that alley, maybe see if you can remember anything about that night."

Natalie nodded. "I am not sure how much help I will be, but I will try." Mustering up enough courage, Natalie finally voiced something that had been worrying her all night. "John…" she began hesitantly, "Obviously the guy who sent you this had something to do with the shooting, and still has access to the surveillance footage. Well why send you a capture that has me in it…"

"Unless he knows it's you." John finished for her, the same thought having been on his mind all night. "The same thing has been bothering me too. Natalie, he had to know you're that child, and he had to know that we'd figure it out. Personally, I think he was counting on me giving it up."

"Well obviously this guy doesn't know either one of us."

Despite the circumstances, John managed a small smile. "I guess not."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four **

Before heading toward AC, Natalie convinced John to stop off at the hotel so she could ask Roxy about the dress. At first John was hesitant, not wanting anyone to know about Natalie being in the alley that night, but he relented once she assured him she would just ask about the dress. Wanting to be able to see Roxy's reaction for himself, John followed her inside.

"Natty!" Roxy said loudly from her place behind the counter. "Did you…" Roxy trailed off, when she noticed John walk in behind her. Roxy's face lit up and her mouth formed a large smile. "Well, well, well… are you two here for a little lunch time Rhonda voo? 'Cause let me tell ya, right nows the time, cause hardly anyone's here so you can make all the noise you want," Roxy grinned at John. "And let me tell you, if my baby girls anything like her momma here, she's gonna be making all the noise in the world, then again, you already know that!"

"Roxanne!" Natalie exclaimed, her face flushing in embarrassment.

John bit back his amusement. After three years in Llanview, he was pretty used to Roxy's tactless manner. "Actually Roxy, we are hoping you could help us with something." He said, hoping to save Natalie any further embarrassment.

"Ohh," Roxy said, leaning across the desk. "Sounds important, does this mean I am like an infomat, cause on Law and Order and CSI those guys usually get wacked."

Rolling her eyes, Natalie took over. "Your not going to be killed." Taking out the class photo from her purse, Natalie handed it to her. "Do you remember what happened to this dress Roxy?"

Roxy's face lit up when she saw the picture. "I remember that dress; you were the prettiest little thing in it, all the sequins and color. Whenever I took you out in it, people used to always stare." Once again, Roxy turned back to John. "Isn't she adorable in it?" she asked waving the picture in front of him.

Not waiting for John to answer Natalie moved in front of her. "Roxy focus. What happened to the dress?"

Roxy closed her eyes and got one of those rare looks of deep concentration, but it only lasted for a few seconds. Opening her eyes, she shook her head. "No clue. I guess you grew out of it. Why all these sentimental-ness feelings baby? Were you thinking of giving it to Jessica if she has a girl?"

Knowing it was useless to ask for anything else, Natalie shook her head. "Forget it Roxy. Thanks anyways."

The two of them quickly made a beeline for the exit, trying hard to ignore the comments she continued to make. Once they were back in the car, Natalie turned to John. "Do you think we should ask her about that night?"

"Not right now. Obviously she doesn't know you were in that alley, because if she did I imagine she would have raised a big thing about it – called newspapers and talk shows, reporting her five year old witnessed a murder. The one thing I have learned about Roxy is she likes to be the center of attention."

"You don't think she was there that night do you?" Natalie asked worriedly as they pulled out of the parking lot. Despite all their problems, Roxy was still like a mother to her and Natalie didn't want her caught up in this mess.

Luckily, John shook his head. "I don't think so, eventually I will have to talk to her, but I don't think she's involved. Let's hit AC, talk to my mom and see where that takes us. If we still have nothing, we're going to have to go after our only lead – you." Up until this point, John hadn't wanted to push Natalie into remembering, as he knew it could be a traumatic process and part of him was worried since DID ran in her family.

"What if it comes to that? I mean, me having to remember?"

"I'm hoping we can avoid that."

"And if we can't?" John just remained silent, continuing to drive. They remained like this for a few minutes, until it all clicked into place.

"You're worried about my mental state." Natalie suddenly exclaimed, her voice now having and edge to it.

"Natalie…"

"No, let's address this issue once and for all. Yes, both my mother and sister have DID, and yes, mental illness can run in the family. But if this event had been traumatic enough that it caused my personality to split, my alter would have surfaced by now. Mitch, Paul, Haver, Hayes – these events would have brought out this other personality. But, it never did. I obviously handled the trauma back then, just as I have handled all the others – by remaining in control and strong. If we end up with no other leads and going to the alley doesn't bring anything back I'll consult with Dr. Crosby – undergo hypnosis or something. But we aren't just leaving it at that, I am the only eye witness and will do whatever I can."

Touched that she was this adamant about helping him, John couldn't help but smile. After all that he had done, after all that he had put her through and after all the times he had pushed her away, she was still here, sitting beside him, ready to help in any way she could. For the first time in months, John had hope for them. But just as fast as it came, he pushed it away. He knew he needed to deal with this first, and finally get some closure or else he knew he would never be any good to anyone, including himself.

As a result of heavy Friday-night traffic, they arrived in AC just as the sun was setting. The ride over had been mainly silent, both of them unsure of what topics were safe enough to brooch. Of course anything pertaining to Statesville Riot, or Cristian was off-limits, and after asking about Jessica and Vicki, John soon found that Natalie's family was another topic she wanted to avoid.

Luckily, they soon pulled into a small two story house, nestled in the middle of a comfortable looking subdivision. Natalie sighed wistfully as they made their way up the driveway to the door. "You know, growing up this area was what I dreamed about. To a girl from the other side of AC, this wasn't just a middle class subdivision, this was the good side of town, where the rich drove their fancy cars and happy families lived. Never in a million years would I have imagined finding out I was a Buchanan."

John didn't respond, as once again this was a small glimpse into a past that Natalie hardly spoke about. Raising his hand, he pushed the doorbell insistently, part of him hoping that his mother wasn't home so he had an excuse to put this conversation off. But, he was out of luck. It took a few minutes, but soon Eve appeared in the doorway, her expression turning from one of annoyance to one of surprise when she saw them standing there.

"Johnny! Natalie! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in!" Eve said warmly as she ushered them inside the small home. "I had no idea you two were going to be in the area, you should have called me. Have you eaten? I can make something or we could order in, whatever you guys prefer."

Smiling at the other woman's mothering nature, and remembering how much she had enjoyed having her live at the cottage Natalie pulled her in for a quick hug. "It's great to see you again Eve, Llanview hasn't been the same since you left."

Eve smiled. "I'll bet. Come in, take a seat." As she led them into the living room, Natalie took the opportunity to look around. Pictures of John, Michael and even Shannon surrounded them. You could tell that despite the death of Thomas McBain this was a home filled with love.

Once they were seated Eve began to chatter away, filling them in on what she had been up too. When she finally took a break and asked what had brought them to AC, Natalie waited for John to speak. But, when he didn't, she jumped in. "Actually Eve, I just got accepted into a program to train to be a forensic technician." Natalie said with a smile.

Eve's face lit up as if the young woman sitting in front of her was her own child. "Oh Natalie, that's wonderful news." Leaning across the sofa, Eve pulled Natalie into a hug. "Honey, I remember the way your uncle spoke about you, you'll be great at any job you undertake."

Natalie smiled. "Thanks Eve, actually, John's agreed to be the officer that supervises me through it all." Natalie said, hoping that this change in conversation allowed John to tell her about re-opening his father's case. But, instead, John excused himself to take a phone call.

Once the women were alone, Eve turned toward Natalie and fixed her with a comforting smile. "Michael filled me in on everything that happened with Statesville and your husband. I can not believe Johnny kept that from you. Are you doing okay?"

A little uncomfortable that she was being asked this by John's mother of all people, Natalie began to unconsciously play with a piece of fabric. "It's ex-husband now… and I'm doing better."

"Isn't working with John going to be hard on you?" Eve asked gently, not meaning to pry but curious as to what Natalie's feelings were for her son.

Natalie went silent for a few seconds, as she actually thought about it. Finally she met the older women's eyes. "No." She said, very much sure of herself. "To be honest Eve, though John and I never really talked about it, I think I understand why John kept it from me. I don't agree with it, but I have forgiven him."

"What about you and John? Is there hope there?" As much as she tried not too get involved, Eve found herself really hoping that they would be able to find there way back together.

Natalie shrugged and once again looked away. "I honestly don't know. We have been through so much Eve, and a lot of damage has been done to our overall relationship. I don't know if it can ever be repaired. Too much has been said, too much has been done."

"Do you still love him?" The question came blurting out before Eve could even stop herself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five **

Putting her hand over her mouth Eve looked at Natalie in horror. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…."

Waving her protests off, Natalie took a deep breath. "You know for most of my life I loved no one and in turn was loved by no one. I used to laugh when I heard of people being in love with two people at the same time, thinking that they were idiots. I mean come on; you can only love one person at a time right?"

Oblivious to both Natalie and Eve, John was just about to enter the room when he heard Natalie speaking. Unable to help himself, he remained outside the doorway, curious as to where this was going.

"I think the thing I realized this year is you can love two people at the same time, just in different ways. Cris, well he was my first love… the guy who showed me that I could be loved and love in return. We weren't together long, but when we where we were happy, almost blissfully so. But, recently I forced myself to face the reality that what we had never got the chance to become something real. The biggest problem Cris and I ever had to face was his mother hating me. There were never any huge problems or obstacles for us to overcome, never any challenges. Plus, we were both completely different people then."

Although she was unsure why she was suddenly opening up to John's mother, Natalie continued, happy to finally be able to talk about this with someone. With everything that was going on with her mom and Jessica, Natalie really hadn't had the chance to talk things out and get her problems off her chest. And despite the fact Eve was John's mother, Natalie really felt as if she could trust the older woman. "John and I…. Well that's a different story. Right from the start there were problems and obstacles to deal with." Natalie laughed warily. "With John and I, it was always a bumpy road; nothing was ever perfect or blissful. And by the time we got together we knew each other well – well enough to be able to see both the good and bad. I don't know Eve, I guess the more I think about it, and the more I spend time with both of them, I realize that what I had with Cris was romance, something that was easy, and wonderful, but what I had with John was real. Never easy, but still great in its own way. God, I'm probably not making any sense."

Understanding exactly what Natalie meant, Eve nodded. "I understand. Now it just comes down to making a decision… which one do you want?"

Once again Natalie met Eve's eyes. "The thing is Eve; I think I already made the decision..."

Knowing that no matter what Natalie's decision was, it wasn't something he should be hearing through eavesdropping, John chose this opportunity to re-enter the room. "Sorry about that, Bo had to ask me about something." Purposely ignoring the intense look being shared between Natalie and his mother John took his seat across from them and played dumb. "Everything okay?"

Recovering quickly, Eve smiled at her son. "Natalie was just telling me more about that new program, it sounds wonderful."

Shooting a grateful look at Eve, Natalie nodded. "Yeah, and telling her more about what type of work I will be helping you with."

Knowing this was Natalie's way of opening up the conversation for him; John took a deep breath and began. "Actually mom, one of the reasons I am here is because I have decided to re-open Dads case and Natalie is going to help me with it."

Eve was silent for a few moments, taking the opportunity to look between both John and Natalie. Finally she spoke slowly. "I can't say I am surprised, though I honestly hadn't expected for it to take you this long."

Not at all the reaction he had expected from his mother, John looked at her in surprise. "You knew I would do this?"

"The day you told me you were becoming a cop; I knew the main reason was because you wanted to solve your father's murder." Sighing, Eve leaned back on the couch. "So what do you need to know?"

For the next half hour, John asked Eve about a dozen questions – if his father had ever spoke to her about his cases, if there had been any threatening calls or letters sent to the house. Deciding not to trouble his mother with the news that Natalie had witnessed the shooting, John asked about his final lead, that his father had been working on a case outside the department. At this knowledge, Eve didn't seem upset or surprised, instead she just nodded.

"I had a feeling he had been."

Curious about this reaction, John was practically on the edge of his seat. "What made you think that?"

"Well for the four months before his death, your father was distracted, almost on edge. I had seen him acting that way before, mostly during a big cause, but usually Brian – his old partner – would be acting the same way. This time, Brian was fine, acting as if he didn't have a care in the world, exactly the opposite from your father. I asked him about it of course, but he just told me it was nothing he couldn't handle. But then I got that weird phone call from that nurse."

"Nurse?" John questioned.

"Yeah," Eve briefly closed her eyes as if trying to remember something. "It was strange. I had just come in from dropping you boys at school… it was almost 10:00 by the time I got back here. Well, as I was cleaning up the kitchen, the phone rang. I went over to it, said hello, but there was no one there. This happened two more times, before a woman spoke. She asked for your father, and I told her that he was at work and I wasn't sure what time he would be in. She seemed to get upset at this news, so I mentioned she could reach him at the station. That just seemed to freak her out even more. Finally she asked me if I could call him for her and rely a message, she explained that it was important and regarding one of his cases. Normally, I would never have done something like that, but the woman seemed so desperate, I just had too. So I called your father and relayed the message." Eve's eyes narrowed slightly. "The thing is, when I talked to your father he seemed really freaked out that she had called him at home. He didn't tell me directly, but after 15 years of marriage, I could read him pretty well. When he came home that night I asked him again about it, but he clammed up and seemed like he was on edge the rest of the night. Actually come to think of it, he slipped out of bed sometime in the middle of the night and left. When I woke up and realized he was gone, I just assumed he had gotten a call." Eve sighed sadly. "It was actually later that week he was killed."

"How do you know this woman was a nurse?" Natalie asked, wanting to be sure they got all the facts.

"She told me, she said she was the nurse from Trenton General."

"Did you tell this to the other officers?" John questioned as he quickly scribbled down some notes on the pad he had grabbed from his jacket.

Eve shook her head. "Honestly John, I was in such a state of shock it never occurred to me. Plus, I was never questioned. Everyone was more concerned with the fact a drunk doctor had operated, then what had actually led to your father being shot."

Knowing first hand how screwed up departmental procedure could be, John didn't press the issue. Instead he asked one final question. "I know it was a long time ago, but do you remember this woman's name?"

Eve paused for a few minutes, carefully thinking. Finally she nodded. "Alison something. Alison Pickens? Perks?"

Natalie felt her mouth go dry. Finally able to speak she choked out, "Perkins? Was it Alison Perkins?"

Eve's face lit up. "Yes! That was it. Alison Perkins was the nurse that called me." Confused she looked at Natalie. "But how in the world did you know that?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six **

Luckily Natalie was saved from explaining herself to Eve as the other woman realized how late it was getting and told them she needed to get to the club where she sang. After making them both promise they would be back soon, Eve rushed from the house asking John if he could lock up before they left. Somewhat happy that his mother left, John immediately turned his attention to Natalie.

"Who is Alison Perkins and how do you know her?" he asked as he wondered why every lead was pointing back to Natalie.

Although she hated talking about it, Natalie took a deep breath and told him the story of her birth. Despite the fact that John knew the basics – that she had been kidnapped at birth, Natalie started at the beginning figuring he needed to know the whole story. So she started with how Mitch Laurence had raped Vicki, then separated her and Jessica and birth, and how because she was Clint's daughter he had given her to Walter Balsom. She also filled him in on the small details, like how Alison was a follower of Mitch and Walter's nurse, and how she had been the one to kidnap her and bring Jessica back. Natalie then got into how Alison had tracked her down and schemed with her to claim the Buchanan money. Natalie then ended the story by explaining how she had been conned into her marriage to Mitch and its almost disastrous outcome. Once she was finished she leaned back and gave John a few minutes to process everything.

Finally he spoke. "Wow," he managed, still trying to absorb everything Natalie had just told him. Suddenly it was clear to him just how much Natalie had gone through since her arrival in Llanview. Although he found himself frequently saving her life, it was then that John realized just how strong the woman sitting in front of him really was.

Assuming his silence was still a result of disbelief, Natalie tried to lighten the mood. "I know, it sounds like the plot of a really bad made for TV movie. Well that's the story of my life."

Finally able to get over it all, John also leaned back and thought everything over. "Okay, so this woman who helped kidnap you, gets upset and calls my father. Then less then a week later you witness my father's shooting. How is this connected?"

Also puzzled in terms of the newest development, Natalie shook her head. "I have no idea why everything keeps coming back to me. The one thing I know about Alison is that when she wasn't following the orders of Mitch, all she cared about was money." Natalie also thought it out for a couple seconds, then looked up quickly. "Money, that's it. John you need to check your parent's bank statements from that time… I'll bet you anything that there were suspicious withdrawals at that time going to Alison."

"You think she was blackmailing my father?"

Natalie shrugged. "I honestly don't know… but I do know Alison. Whether she was blackmailing him, running a scam or feeding him information, Allison had to be collecting something from it."

"Where is she now?"

"Last I knew she was in prison."

"We're going to need to talk to her."

"Let me do it." Seeing that John was just about to argue with her, Natalie held up her hand to stop him. "I have the history with this woman, she knows me and I know how she works. This is a woman who likes to play mind games, she knows how to skirt around the issue and unless you know how to handle that, you won't get anything out of her."

"Natalie I have been a cop for over 10 years, I think I know how to handle myself." John remarked dryly, trying not to take offence to what she had just said.

Remembering how useless and unloved Alison had made her feel, especially on the day of Asa's supposed funeral, Natalie spoke from experience. "Not Allison you don't. The second you go in there and introduce yourself as John McBain, Allison is going to jump into talking about your father, and saying something you don't want to hear."

Knowing that he needed to trust her on this, John nodded. "All right, but I want to be able to watch that interview. I should be able to swing a deal with the Warden, as long as we agree not to go after her for anything incriminating she says."

"That won't be a problem… Allison is already serving a life sentence for her role in the kidnapping and accessory to Mitch's crimes. Even if she played a role in this, she's never getting out of Prison anyways."

They made it back to Llanview way past midnight after John was able to set up a meeting between Natalie and Allison for the following afternoon. Knowing how meticulous and organized Eve was, John was able to find his parents bank statements going back almost to the time they had married. Natalie's hunch had been right, and John found several withdrawals, almost totaling $50,000 that was gone. Knowing his parents were never well-off, and that his mother would definitely know about this, John and Natalie stopped by the club where she sang and met with her during her break.

Eve went over the statements and seemed just as shocked by the withdrawals. She told them that she knew Thomas had been taking some money for what he described as a "side investment," but never had any idea that the total ran so high. John found this easy to believe as he remembered how grief stricken she was at this time. Once again, bidding Eve farewell, John and Natalie made their way over to the alley where Thomas McBain had been shot.

Being there wasn't easy for John, but he pushed it away and focused on Natalie, hoping something would come to mind. However, nothing did as in twenty-two years the alley and its surrounding buildings had changed. But the trip wasn't a waste, as Natalie was able to point out where a surveillance camera had previously been. John made a mental note to find out what company used to be located here, and track them down.

Once again the ride was silent, this time because Natalie fell asleep half way into it. Knowing that the past few days had been stressful on her, John didn't bother waking her up until they pulled up to Llanfair. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, Natalie started to get out of the car but stopped when she remembered something.

"I'm not going to be able to get into the station until tomorrow afternoon, but to save time, do you just think you can pick me up at the cottage and we can go straight from there?"

John just nodded his mind still on the case. It wasn't until Natalie was unlocking front door that he began to wonder what she was doing at the cottage.

"Well that was a lot easier then I expected," Cristian remarked as he loaded up the final box of his stuff into the moving van he had rented.

"I know. I mean I knew Marcie and Michael really liked the place, but I never imagined they would actually buy it."

Looking up at the house they had once shared and seeing the SOLD sign dug into the lawn, Natalie couldn't help but feel a little wistful. Although they hadn't lived there long, it was the only place Natalie had really felt was hers.

"Hey, you okay?" Cristian asked gently, seeing how sad his ex-wife looked. Natalie offered him a small smile, and nodded. "I'm fine. This was just my first home you know?"

"Yeah, I do. Listen if you aren't sure it's not too late to stop the sale."

Taking on final look at the cottage, Natalie shook her head. "No, this is the right choice."

"Do you need a drive back to the police station?" Cristian asked, remembering that she had had her father drop her off before he headed into The Banner.

"Actually John's picking me up." Seeing how his face seemed to drop at the news, Natalie tried to explain. "It's not like that Cris; John finally agreed to let me work with him on his father's case so I could get those hours I need."

Knowing that this issue had to be addressed once and for all, Cristian closed up the van and looked down at her. "Listen Natalie, as much as you try to convince yourself that you're moving on and not picking either one of us, it's clear you've made a decision."

"Cris, that's not true…" Natalie said beginning to protest. But Cristian cut her off.

"It is true Natalie. I see the way you look at him, talk about him and your insistence to help him with this case."

"He's helped me so many times; I'm just trying to return the favor."

Cristian smiled sadly. "You're still in love with him Natalie. And I can't blame you for that. I screwed up when I pretended to be John Doe… I wanted you to have a chance at love and happiness and when you finally do, I come back. There's always been something between you and John, right from the first day he walked into Crossroads, and I've finally realized that I have to face that."

"Cris…" Natalie tried again, but Cristian help up his hand to stop her.

"We were married, and I loved you with all my heart, and a part of me will probably always love you, but it's obvious how you feel… and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I can move on."

Knowing that there was some truth in her ex-husbands words, Natalie stopped protesting and just nodded. "I'm sorry Cris," she said softly, even though she knew words wouldn't help right now.

But, Cristian forced a smile and drew her in for a hug. "I know. I'm sorry too."

Just as they were pulling apart, John pulled into the driveway. Seeing him, Natalie looked one more time at Cristian, "I'll see you around?" she asked her voice hopeful.

Cristian smiled again. "I'm always going to be here for you Natalie, no matter what happens or who we end up with."

Unable to help herself, Natalie felt a few tears well up in the corners of her eyes. Her and Cristian were completely over, and that chapter of her life was now closed. Blinking back the tears, she turned and walked down the driveway and quickly got into John's car.

Seeing that Natalie was slightly upset, John hesitated before pulling out. "Are you okay?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to brooch the topic of the hug he had just witnessed.

Turning to face him, she smiled. "We just sold the Cottage."

A look of surprise fluttered over John's face. Even with the divorce and Natalie's insistence that she and Cristian weren't getting back together, the act of selling what had once been their home made everything seem final. Not wanting to press it, John pulled out of the driveway and began the drive towards Statesville Women's Prison.

Though he had enough on his mind with his father's case, John spent most of the ride wondering if he had just witnessed the end of Cristian and Natalie or if there was still a chance for them.

Whatever it was, John knew that he had to make a decision about his future soon or else, he could be the one losing Natalie forever.

Because for the first time Michael had been right – this case wasn't just about getting closure, it was about fixing himself for her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven **

Just as she had been expecting, the second that Natalie entered the small prison meeting room, she was met with the usual insults. "Well look who the cat dragged in… it's Llanview' heiress. Why Natalie, have you decided to go back to your old roots of slumming it?"

Ignoring her, Natalie took a seat, but the other woman continued her taunting. "Tell me Natalie are what the papers reporting true? Has Jessica gone off the deep end as created herself an alter?" When Natalie was silent, the other woman began to laugh hysterically. "So it is true. Perfect little princess Jessie, has lost it. Well if that's true then the rumors that Nicki Smith is back must also have some truth to them."

Natalie still remained quiet, suddenly realizing she could use Allison's taunting to her advantage.

Smirking, Allison ignored her and continued. "Well with Jessica going loony, I guess all the attention is back on her, just as it always was. Tell me Natalie was I right all along? Did the Buchanan's ever care about you? Ever really accept you as one of their own? Because I don't think they did. I think that their attention stayed right on the good twin Jessica. I mean even last summer when you were kidnapped, it took them weeks to find you. I remember the day I kidnapped you as a baby, Asa Buchanan went crazy, vowing up and down that he would do anything in his power to bring his granddaughter Jessica back. I never saw any of that press when you were gone." Allison paused examining her nails. "Then again, you're the expendable twin – the one no one really cares about. Vicki proved that when she just about chose you to be the one Mitch killed. Poor little Natalie, no matter what you do, you're always going to be the girl from the wrong side of Jersey… you'll never fit in to the Buchanan's perfect family."

Trying not to lose it, Natalie managed to smirk back at the woman. "Yeah Allison, you were right… even after three yeas the Buchanan's never accepted me."

The other woman smiled widely. "I told you they never would."

Natalie nodded. "I should have listened to you. That's why I am here; I need your help with something."

Intrigued, Allison leaned back in the steel chair, her face all serious. "I'm listening."

Standing up, Natalie began to pace the small room, silently praying that Allison would buy the act. It had been awhile since she had had to pull one over on someone, and Natalie hoped that she still had it. "See, the Buchanan's cut me off… that bastard Asa tied up my trust fund, and left me with nothing. All because I refused to sit around and help Jessica in her time of need. Lucky for me, I met this guy. He's such an easy mark, just like Jessica and Vicki were when I first came to town. He's a cop, but is full of issues. Seriously, this guys a total mess, but his dead fiancée left him pretty well off, so there's reason to stick around."

"What's the bait?" Allison asked, curious about the scheme Natalie was playing.

"Aside from me?" Natalie asked. Going back over to the chair she sat back in front of Allison and shook her head in defeat. "Right now nothing. I mean for the time being I have him hooked with sex, but he's a guy, its not going to work forever, especially since there's this attorney after him. This is where I need your help. I need some sort of scheme to run on this guy quick or else I am going to miss my chance with John McBain and his money."

Allison's face lit up in delight. "Did you say McBain? The son of Thomas McBain?"

Natalie acted confused then nodded. "Yeah I think that was the old mans name. Why? Did you know him?"

All insults gone, Allison looked like a kid on Christmas. "What a small world. Yeah I knew the guy; he was one of the easiest marks I ever hit."

"You scammed his father?" Natalie asked, feigning awe.

Allison nodded. "Actually, I used you to do it."

Now truly confused Natalie looked at Allison in puzzlement. "You used me?"

Allison nodded. "After Mitch died, Walter got involved in his own illegal dealings, started working with two other doctors at the hospital and got involved in selling things through the black market… drugs, organs, babies… you name it, if they had access to it, they turned a profit. Well, that bastard Walter turned me out of it, told me this was just between them Doctors and there was no place for a nurse. Well that pissed me off. So I went to McBain and started feeding him bits of information. Made it seem like I was fearful for my life, and that these guys would kill me. Managed to get nearly fifty thousand from him before Walter and his team found out he was on to them.

"That doesn't explain how you used me." Natalie said, surprised that she had managed to get this much out of the woman.

"You were my insurance. I wanted to get money out of this guy, not some investigation. So, I told him about you… that Walter had kidnapped you from some couple and that he wouldn't hesitate to kill you if he had too. A dead child didn't sit well with that guy, so it kept it off record. Paid me to kept tabs on Walter and give him any information that he could use. I guess he hoped that through my information he could get something he could use to get you away from him."

"What happened?" Natalie asked unable to believe the story he was hearing.

"Somehow Walter and his group found out this cop was on to him. I split town, but I guess they took care of him."

"What about the other two Doctors, who were they?"

Allison's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What do you care?"

Going back to her feigned expression of awe, Natalie smiled. "I'm just surprised you managed to pull it off is all. Wondering if I ever knew these other two Doctors."

Allison shook her head. "Walter never told me their names… Trenton General was a big hospital, it could have been anyone. You know, if your guys anything like his father, play the damsel in distress card. Make it seem like someone's after you, that you owe them money, hell even fake a ransom – either way, it will be like taking candy from a baby."

Having watched the entire interview on a closed circuit camera, John understood when Natalie went storming out of the building and over to his car. She waited out there for him, and even once he arrived at the car remained silent. He couldn't believe the Natalie he had just witnessed. Seeing her in there, pulling a scam over Allison was shocking, as John hadn't been sure she had it in her.

He sure was learning a lot about Natalie these days.

Both of them spent the drive back to Llanview trying to control their rage. Natalie beating her self up over the fact that once again she had managed to let Allison get to her and the fact that she had been forced into a role that resulted in Thomas's death. As she did, John was stewing over the realization that this woman had pretty much set his father up for his death.

At first John found himself getting angry at his father for falling for the scheme, for giving Allison money rather then start an official investigation, but then he thought of Natalie. All his dad knew was that there was a child caught in the middle of this, a child who he believed was in immediate danger. He knew his dad well, and Thomas McBain would have done anything to protect a child. Plus, John thought back to all the times he had broken procedure to help Natalie and realized that when he was in the same circumstances, he had done exactly the same thing.

Like father, like son.

Just as they were approaching Llanview, Natalie spoke. "I can't go back there yet… Do you want to grab a beer?"

Knowing that was exactly what he needed John nodded. "Did you want to hit one of these bars along the way?"

Natalie shook her head. "I can't deal with people right now. Can we take them back to your room? Maybe order a pizza or something."

Though, slightly surprised at her suggestion, John just nodded and headed toward a 24/hour liquor store he knew of. Once he had pulled into the parking lot, Natalie jumped out before he had the chance to. "I'll get it."

Nearly 20 minutes later she came back, carrying a 24 pack of beer, along with large bottles and whisky and tequila. "I wasn't sure what you had."

Nodding, John pulled out of the parking lot and continued to drive toward his hotel room. Based on what Natalie had purchased, she was planning to get completely drunk tonight, and based on the day they had just had, he was very much inclined to join her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight **

Fortunately for John and Natalie, they managed to make it up to John's room without running into anyone. The first thing Natalie noticed when they he opened up the door, was the fact that it looked like John was hardly staying there anymore. There were none of the usual take out boxes, or clothes strewn around, and the bed was made exactly as she had made it when she had come too look after him. It was the couch with held a blanket and pillow.

Though slightly concerned, Natalie said nothing and just made her way inside, dropped the alcohol on the table and went over to pick up his stack of pizza menus. "Meat lovers or the works?" Natalie asked leaning over to grab his phone.

Enjoying the way she was making her self at home once again, John shrugged off his jacket and began to open two bottles of beer. "You decide."

Natalie couldn't so in the end she opted to order one of each, remembering how John enjoyed cold, left over pizza in the mornings. Once the order was placed, Natalie accepted the beer he was handing her, and leaned back on the couch. "Are you doing okay?" she asked referring to everything they had just learned from Allison.

John stared down at his beer for a few seconds, before answering. "Yeah. I mean I knew going into this that nothing I learned would bring him back; it's just hard to hear that he got killed trying to help someone."

"That someone being me." Natalie finished, starting to feel guilty, though she knew she had no reason too.

Seeing where Natalie was going with this, John looked up at her. "This isn't your fault Natalie. You were a five year old child, and in potential danger."

Natalie nodded as she toyed with label on the bottle. "I know, and I keep telling myself that, but Allison used me as bait. Drew him in with my kidnapping. And Walter," Natalie scoffed in disgust, "well, even if he wasn't the one to pull the trigger, he obviously played a large role in your father's death."

Seeing this as an opportunity to ask her about her childhood father, John did so, trying to be gentle. "Can you tell me about him?"

Another look of disgust came over Natalie's face. "There's not much that I remember. He died when I was six, a fatal car accident. He was an alcoholic and a pervert, in fact I think I heard Roxy once say the only reason he became a doctor was to get glimpses at naked women. Walter only cared about money and himself, and made Roxy look like a Saint. He always hated me – that's one thing I remember from my childhood. He wouldn't let me call him dad, only "Dr. Balsom," but I was so young when he died, it never really seemed weird to me. He was abusive to Roxy, caused her to end up in the ER a few times, but he was an important Doctor at the hospital, so it was just written off that Roxy was the accident-prone wife. Once Rex was born, he started to slap me around too, personally I think he hated how close Rex was too me. Even from the time he was a baby, Rex was terrified of him. That pissed Walter off, because Rex was his son, his only heir, and here he was refusing to leave my side."

Natalie took another swig of her beer, needing it after all the memories she was dragging up. "As I said, I don't remember much of that time, but I do remember Roxy was smiling when the police came with the news. She actually went into her stash of liquor money and ran out to buy herself champagne and Rex and I cookies. Told us it was cause of a celebration, I even vaguely recall her humming the witch theme from The Wizard of Oz."

"For awhile after he died, things got better. Roxy was happier, even sober for a time, but then she started playing the slots and ponies and lost all the money. We moved from the house we were living into a slew of run down old apartments, she tried to keep a job but ended up using the money for alcohol. The worst came when I was eight and her sister took Rex away. Roxy hit rock bottom. Here she was stuck with me, the brat she never wanted in the first place, with no money." Realizing she had gone far past what he needed to know, Natalie instantly clammed up. When she met his eyes, she was horrified to see pity in them.

"No." She said angrily, shooting to her feet and grabbing the bottle of whisky. "Don't pity me." Uncapping it, she took the bottle and took a long swig, enjoying the burn it made as it went down.

Just now realizing how much Allison's taunts had affected her, John took a hold of her arm and pulled her back beside him. "I'm not pitying you Natalie, it just kills me to know you had to go through so much with no one there for you."

Natalie took another swig of the Whiskey before handing it to John. "Yeah well, according to Allison there was at least one person looking out for me and look what good it did him." Natalie said softly, referring to John's father. Just as John was about to respond, Natalie continued. "Plus, look at Jess. As it turns out, I ended up getting the better life anyways." At that second there was a knock on the door. Jumping up, Natalie went to get the pizza, leaving John alone with his thoughts for a few minutes.

Despite the eventual outcome, John was happy that his father had been looking out for Natalie.

By the time they had finished eating, the bottle of whiskey was gone and they were each working on their fifth beer. They had stopped talking about Natalie's childhood, and during dinner had been throwing out possible scenarios about the black-market sales occurring at the hospital. Two things were clear, one they had to head back to AC and pay a visit to Trenton General, and two it was time to talk to Roxy. Though John was tempted to go back to working alone and distance Natalie from the case since she was getting so heavily involved, he didn't even bother to suggest it as he figured she would keep working it herself anyway, and possibly lead her into another dangerous situation.

Once the pizza had been pushed aside, they each cracked open another beer - both of them ignoring the drunken state they were entering. Having given up about talking about the case as neither of them was coherent enough to make any sense; John was surprised when Natalie turned to him a look of complete seriousness on her face.

"Do you think I'll ever fit in with the Buchanan's?" The alcohol was taking over, finally allowing her to voice the concerns that had been raised during her meeting with Allison.

John thought about it for a few moments before decided to be completely serious. "Honestly, No." Natalie's face seemed to drop at his answer, but John quickly continued. "But I don't think you need to fit in with them. Most of them are all about money and power and status and I get the impression none of them know what the real world is like." Interested as to where John was going with this, Natalie remained silent.

"You have Jessica, who works for the family newspaper and Kevin for the family company. They never had to go on a job interview, or know what its like to make rent. Your grandfather thinks just because he's Asa Buchanan he's above the law. Do I think you'll ever fit in with them? That you'll take the easy way out and sip champagne at the Palace? No I don't. But that doesn't mean your not a part of them. Look at Bo, he's doesn't fit in with them either. But, you and Bo are still loved and accepted despite being different." Now worried that in his uninhibited state he had said too much, John tried to apologize. "I don't mean to be insulting your family…"

Natalie smiled. You weren't, its all true. I guess you're right, but what Allison said really got to me."

Knowing it did, John tried to make light of the situation. "Hey, not fitting in isn't a bad thing right? I mean at least you know you'll never go floral pattern crazy like your mom."

Natalie found his observation hysterical, and suddenly burst in to peels of laughter. It was infectious, and soon John found himself joining in. After the laughter had subsided and they were left in silence again, John couldn't help but blurt out the question that had been bugging him all day.

"What was going on between you and Cris at the cottage today?" he asked his words slightly slurred.

"Huh?" Natalie looked puzzled, but then laughed. "Oh, nothing. We sold the cottage and said goodbye."

"Goodbye?" he couldn't help but question.

"Cristian and I completely over. It's time to move on." Just saying the words had something stirring in Natalie and impulsively she moved closer to John and leaned in.

Suddenly having the urge to confess his overhearing the conversation between Natalie and his mother, John opened his mouth to speak. But before he could get any words out, Natalie had turned toward him and flew at him. Before either of them even knew what was happening, her lips were on his, and his tongue was starting to slide into her mouth. Their hands began to roam over one another's bodies, patting, caressing, squeezing, and before either one realized it they were tugging each others clothes off making their way toward his bed. Just as he was lifting her shirt up, John suddenly froze and pulled away from her.

"We can't do this," he said, rolling off her and laying on his back trying to catch his breath.

Panting, Natalie fixed her shirt and lay motionless beside him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," Natalie said, embarrassed at the way she had just thrown herself at him.

"It's been a stressful day and we've had too much to drink."

"You're right." Natalie sat up and began to stand up but had to clutch the bed to prevent her from falling over. "I'm just gonna go."

Turning toward her, John grabbed her hand and gently pulled her back on the bed. "Natalie you're drunk, you can't even stand up straight. Just stay here."

It took a little bit of convincing, but Natalie began to feel as if the room was spinning so she gave in and laid back down beside him - but despite her best efforts she couldn't sleep. Soon the drunkenness wore off, but Natalie laid awake thinking about the case, her meeting with Allison and most of all John.

Just as she had been about to tell Eve, she had long ago made her decision - she was still in love with John. .

But, Natalie wasn't sure what to do with that information. Both she and John had been hurt too many times before, and right now he was even more messed up because of this case. Deciding that she would wait and push her feelings aside, Natalie rolled over and tried to force herself to sleep.

Just as she was beginning to fade she heard John sleepily whisper, "I love you Natalie."

Shooting up, Natalie's eyes widened in shock, but she forced herself to push any feelings of excitement or happiness away. Needing to get out of there and quick, Natalie stood up and quietly tiptoed around the room, grabbing her jacket and letting herself out of the room.

After years of wanting it, John had finally said the words Natalie had been praying she'd hear. But, when he finally did he was not only asleep at the time, but also drunk. In addition to that, just hours earlier he had pulled away from her, the idea of sex seeming to be appalling to him.

Shaking her head in a combination of sadness and tiredness, Natalie made her way down to the lobby so she could call for a cab. She would just have to forget he ever said those words, push it far from her mind.

Because after all, none of his recent actions suggested it was true.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine **

When John woke up the next morning it took him a few minutes to remember the events of the previous day. As he slowly got out of bed and into the shower, it all came rushing back. Natalie's meeting with Allison, coming back here for pizza and beer, and how they had almost ended up having sex. Though a lot of the details of what had occurred later that night were fuzzy, John did remember that Natalie had planned to stay, having been too drunk to get home. But, when he didn't find a note, or any evidence of her having been there, he got concerned.

Hoping that their almost sexual encounter hadn't pushed her away, John headed into the station early. They had been making such good progress, both in terms of his father's case and their friendship – John just hoped he hadn't screwed it up again. But when he got to the station, Natalie was no where to be found. In fact, after waiting for nearly an hour, John was just about to call her when the new receptionist poked her head into the office.

"Lieutenant?" she asked softly having heard rumors of John's irritation at being disturbed.

"Yeah?"

Slowly she walked over to the desk and handed him a stack of files. "The commissioner asked me to pass these along; he needs to know if they can be closed. Also, Ms. Buchanan called, she wanted me to tell you that she has classes all day, but will stop by when they are finished."

Wondering why Natalie hadn't just called him herself, John dismissed the secretary and picked up the stress ball Natalie had given him years back. Leaning back in his chair he began to squeeze it, somewhat wishing that by doing so it could magically cure him.

Because it seemed like when it came to Natalie, no matter what John did, he just made things worse.

After a long day of classes, most of which was spent trying to push all thoughts of John from her mind, Natalie made her way through the station and toward his office. After yet another sleepless night, Natalie had made the decision that she would just forget about what she had heard, and pretend last night had never happened. She had been through this routine enough with John to know that holding on to any hope, or expectations would only lead to her getting hurt. After all for months John had made it clear he no longer wanted anything but friendship from her. He had never fought for her, never tried to explain himself and pretty much went back to pushing her away.

Last night he had been drunk, and it didn't mean anything.

Taking a deep breath, Natalie confidently let herself into his office and forced a fake smile. "Hey," she said as brightly as she could manage.

Glancing up from the papers he was looking over, John's shoulders visibly tensed as if he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Hey… what happened to you last night? I thought you were going to stay and sleep it off."

Natalie shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "I didn't want to intrude anymore then I already had."

Suddenly feeling as he had managed to screw things up, John tried to apologize. "Natalie about last night, I am sorry… I don't know what came over me."

Having hoped that this subject could have been avoided, Natalie sighed. "Don't apologize John, it was me that initiated it and I assure you it won't happen again." Somehow Natalie managed to keep her tone even, making it clear that she was serious.

Though disappointed that she seemed to regret it as much as she did, John dropped the issue and changed the subject. "I followed up on some of those leads. I found out that the building the alley backed onto used to be a convince store. I managed to track down the owner and spoke to him over the phone. When the shooting occurred, he was closed but that next night his store was robbed. Nothing major was taken, just some cigarettes and beer but the security tapes from outside and inside were taken. I spoke to my dad's old partner again, he told me that they never found the guys who robbed the store, but didn't think it was related to the shooting because it seemed like it was pulled off by a couple of kids. As for the surveillance cameras in the alley, he seemed shocked that they were never noticed."

Having worked at the police station long enough, Natalie could tell bad police work when she saw it. "What a bunch of idiots."

Agreeing with her observation, John nodded. "Considering it was a fellow officer that was shot, so many leads went unfollowed. I mean they never interviewed my mom, never even thought about the surveillance cameras, and then investigated that robbery as a completely unrelated. In my eyes, their just as at fault as the hospital for letting that drunk doctor operate on him."

"That's it!" Natalie suddenly exclaimed leaning forward in her chair. "Allison said that Walter was working with two other doctors at Trenton General in this blackmarket thing right? Well what if after Walter - or whoever it was that shot him - realized that he was still alive and made sure the other doctor finished the job?"

"You're suggesting that the Doctor willingly killed my father? A patient of the hospital?"

Natalie shook her head. "It didn't have to be on purpose. If this other guy knew this Doctor had been drinking, they could have made sure he got the case, knowing that he would screw up. I mean you've been to the hospital, how likely is it that a Doctor or nurse in the ER could be drunk and that Michael wouldn't pick up on it? It's not. Walter or another Doctor had to know this guy was drinking, and if they were one of the ones involved with the blackmarket sales, they could have easily arranged for him to take the fall."

Though not totally convinced, John had to admit it made sense. "We have to find out who that doctor was."

Natalie eagerly nodded. "Would you're mom know? I know she sued the hospital."

"No. My mom never met with the doctor that performed the operation, the only reason we found out was because during the autopsy the M.E noticed the incisions and cuts were jagged and that death could have been prevented. He reported his to the head surgeon and by law was required to include his findings in the autopsy. My mother sued, but settled out of court with the hospital and received a settlement on the condition she sign a confidentiality agreement. That doctor's name was never included in the lawsuit, mom was just assured they had been fired. We're going to have to go talk to them."

Natalie anxiously played with a strand of hair, knowing it wasn't going to be that easy. "It's not that simple John. If your mom signed a confidentiality agreement, you'd be violating it by going in there and asking questions. Plus, even if I went in its unlikely any hospital admin would be willing to talk about it."

Seeing that she had a point, John swore under his breath. "So what do we do?"

"I have an idea, but you're not going to like it… Rex." Before John could protest Natalie rushed on. "He's been doing a lot o PI work on the side and knows how to handle himself, plus this is Rex we are talking about. I guarantee you he can go in there, find a nurse that worked there at the time and sweet talk her into giving him a name."

Knowing first hand how fast talking her brother could be, John considered it. As much as he hated it, and as much as he didn't want to get anyone else involved, there wasn't any other option here. He needed to know the truth.

"Fine," he relented. "Call your brother and have him meet us here."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten **

Not wanting John to change his mind, Natalie wasted no time in pulling out her cell phone and calling her brother. Luckily for both their sakes, as usual Rex was lurking around the police station anyways. Within minutes he was out of Bo's office and into John's, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"So the mighty McBain finally admits he needs help!" Rex said with his usual cocky attitude.

"I knew this was a mistake…" John muttered under his breath.

Seeing that this was about to become a disaster, Natalie quickly stood up and intervened. Hands on her hips she fixed them both with a hard look. "Okay both of you listen up because I am only going to say this once. I get you two aren't all buddy-buddy, and that's fine you don't have to be. But you," With this Natalie pointed at John, "You need answers about your father's murder and whether you like it or not for that we need Rex." Whirling she faced her brother. "And you need any work you can get. Last time I checked Bo didn't have any open cases for you. So you two can drop the snarky comments and the eye rolling and actually act like grown men for a chance. Okay?"

Both shocked by her outburst, John and Rex just nodded, neither one of them wanting to piss her off further. Convinced that all was well, Natalie sat back down, a satisfied smile on her face.

John took the next ten minutes to fill Rex in, but left out any of the details pertaining to Natalie being in the alley, or Walter's possible involvement. After explaining what he needed from the hospital, Rex nodded and assured them both he could easily get that information – something John wasn't so sure he believed. But, as Natalie had said, it was worth a shot.

Rex told them he would take a trip to Trenton General first thing in the morning and meet them back at the station in the afternoon to tell them what he learned.

The next day as promised Rex was back in John's office by one o'clock, a large grin on his face. "I got what you wanted," he said as he let himself into the office and took a seat beside Natalie.

John and Natalie had spent most of the day on the phone following leads about the convenience store robbery and talking to both John's contacts at the New Jersey PD and the FBI about potential blackmarket sales at the time. Unfortunately, neither of contact had any information and once again they were out of leads.

"It was a lot easier then I expected," Rex said as he leaned back in the chair and put his feet up on John's desk.

Seeing the annoyed look in John's eyes, Natalie pushed her brother's legs off the desk and shot him a look that told him to watch it. Sighing, Rex sat up a bit straighter and continued his story.

"I went up to the hospital admin and told her I was a reporter from the New York Times, and was there to interview some of the dedicated nurses that made up their wonderful hospital. Explained it as an article that would help show the public how important these dedicated individuals are to our community."

Natalie couldn't help but roll her eyes. "She actually bought that?"

Rex nodded, a huge grin spreading across his face. "Oh she just lapped it up, started to tell me how much her job helped the overall running of the hospital and gave me a few things to quote her on. The things people will do for their fifteen minutes of fame."

"She didn't try to verify your story?" John asked wanting to stick to the case.

"No need to," Rex replied as he reached into his pocket and threw John a New York Times ID badge that had his picture on it. "Pretty good eh? I have a friend who…"

Knowing this was something he shouldn't be hearing; John held up his hand to stop him and pushed the badge back. "I'm going to pretend I never saw that."

Shrugging, Rex continued. "So anyways, I asked to speak to two nurses, specifically one that just started, so I could get the thoughts of a younger person that was just starting out in the field." Seeing his sisters raised eyebrow and knowing what she was thinking, Rex faked being hurt. "I had to keep up the appearance of being on a story, not everything is about sex with me Natty."

"We don't need to know about that interview," John said dryly and for the millionth time wondered if he had made a mistake by bringing Rex in on this.

"No, you really don't." Rex said winking at John before continuing. "So I also asked to speak to someone who had worked there for about twenty-five years, you know to see what the differences in opinions were. She introduced me to a few people, but the second I met the make nurse, my mind was made up."

"A male nurse?" Natalie questioned, unable to hide her surprise that Rex hadn't picked a woman.

Rex nodded. "Most of the female nurses were in their fifties or sixties, and they didn't look like the type that would be impressed by my charm. The male nurse was early forties, and obviously very gay. I figured since Bo and I did the whole gay couple thing on the Colson case, I had it covered."

Really not wanting to think of her uncle and brother pretending to be a couple, Natalie rushed him on. "So?"

Obviously enjoying this, Rex smiled. "The guy was really nice, tried asking me out but luckily I had a picture of my wonderful boyfriend on me." Rex made quotation marks with his fingers at the word boyfriend. "He understood, and said you had really soulful eyes," Rex said turning to John.

John nearly spit out the coffee he had just taken a sip of. "You pretended John was your boyfriend?" Natalie asked trying not to smile at the grimace on John's face.

Rex nodded, obviously taking pleasure in the situation. "I had to; his was the only picture I had."

"You had my picture on you?" John growled, now definitely knowing he had made a mistake.

"I accidentally took it out of Natty's wallet when I borrowed some money." Turning to his sister he beamed at her. "In owe you twenty bucks."

Realizing that both John and Natalie looked like they were about to kill him, Rex hurried on. "So I started by asking him routine questions, why did you become a nurse? Do you like it? What duties do you have, you know crap like that. Then I asked how the hospital would deal with hypothetical situations. After going through a few, I posed the question of a Doctor or nurse who had been drinking. He sort of tensed up at that one, and then responded that they would be fired and their license revoked. But because I noticed his reaction I pressed him for details, asked if that had ever happened there and assured him this was totally off the record."

"And?"

'Well, he got quiet for a bit; I guess he was trying to figure out if he could trust me, but I assured him he could. Flashed him my trademark smile." Rex demonstrated by plastering a smile on his face for effect. "It worked and he told me that about twenty-two or twenty-three years ago they had had a case like that. Explained that he hadn't been working at the time, but when he came in the next day it was all over the hospital."

"Did he give you a name?" Natalie asked excitedly.

Rex nodded, but suddenly his face turned incredibly serious. "It took a lot of pressuring, but he did. But listen guys, this is where it gets weird. The drunken doctor that was on call that night, was a Dr. Paige Truman… the woman that is now known as Paige Miller."

Both Natalie and John's heads shot up in shock. "Are you sure? I mean I am sure there are a lot of women out there named Paige…" Natalie said, for the first time hoping for her Uncle Bo's sake this information was wrong.

Rex shook his head. "I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. Bo came to me awhile back, told me that Paige used to be married to Spencer Truman and that she had given birth to a son and given him up for adoption. He wanted me to help find that son for her. I ended up finding the information she needed and gave it to her, but I never looked at the results, but on the adoption record her name was signed Paige Truman." Rex shot John a sympathetic look before continuing. "There is no doubt about it; Paige Miller was the doctor that operated drunk on your father."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven **

Just hearing Rex once again confirm that it was Paige who had operated on his father, caused something to snap in John. Jumping to his feet he began to angrily pace the room, his eyes dark and his face cold.

"How the hell did that bitch get her license back? And how the hell can she work with Michael, or come around here and talk to me all smiles when she knows she was the one that killed our father."

Taking this as his cue to leave, Rex stood up and motioned to Natalie to call him later. Once Rex was out of the room, John all but exploded.

"This is bullshit. Fucking bullshit. That bitch should be in jail for what she did, but no here she is now in Llanview of all places, leading a perfect little life and being the much loved Doctor. That's not right." By this time John was yelling, and looked about ready to hit something.

"I have to tell Michael, I have to let me know that the woman he admires so much is a murdering…"

Alarmed at what she was seeing, Natalie quickly stood up and crossed the room. Going over to John she put her hands on his shoulders and forced him to look at her. "You're right… it's not right, but going to Michael isn't going to accomplish anything." At this, John started to turn away from her, but Natalie held on strong. "Listen to me John. If you go marching over to the hospital you might be ruining you're investigation. Someone already knows you're looking into this and whoever it is isn't happy about it. Now we know Paige wasn't the shooter because she was the Doctor on call. As for who sent you that note, Walter's dead, so that leaves Spencer as possible suspect. We have to find out who else was involved and Paige may be out only link to that person… you confronting her is only going to tip off whoever it is and make Paige run."

"She should be in jail."

Natalie's eyes softened. "I know she should, and if it turns out she was part of the group selling drugs, organs and babies on the blackmarket she will end up there, trust me we'll make sure if it. But John, at the same time you have to realize there are other matters at stake here. For now we have to keep this quiet or else it could compromise what we already have."

Feeling his body relax, Natalie let go of him and sat back down. When he was seated across from her again, he forced a smile. "Thanks… you're right, I was overreacting."

Once she was sure John was calm again, Natalie began to speak. "Listen, from what I understand Truman has something against my family." John's eyebrows narrowed at the mention of his name.

"He has to be involved. From the moment I met him I knew there was something off about him."

Natalie nodded. "I got the same feeling. But anyway, I overheard Asa telling my dad that Dorian caught him with a whole bunch of files on BE, files that could have brought down the company. For whatever reason, he hates the Buchanan's, especially Asa. I suggest we talk to my grandfather, try and figure out what Truman's agenda is, because I can guarantee you legal or not, Asa has found something out."

"I'm a cop; Asa isn't going to be honest with me."

Natalie smiled. "I'm his granddaughter, he sees too much of himself in me not to be honest with me."

After thinking about it for a few seconds, John finally nodded. "We'll talk to him after we question Roxy tomorrow. I just can't believe it was her. God Natalie, when you ended up in the hospital last summer, she was the one looking after you. Hell, she looked after me last month… what if she had…"

Realizing that they weren't going to be getting anymore work done, Natalie stood up and put her coat on. "Come on."

"What?"

Natalie offered him a small smile. "Listen, you may find it hard to believe but I know what you're going through. I remember what it's like to get news that has the potential to shatter you," Natalie said remembering when she found out about being a Buchanan. "I'm not going to let you do what I did. I let it get the best of me; I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, holed up in my apartment for a few days and let my anger grow until it consumed me. You're not doing that. So come on, I'm driving."

Though he really wasn't in the mood to do anything but what she had just said he couldn't, John warily grabbed his coat and followed her out of his office.

"Roarkes? You brought me to Roarkes?" John said in disbelief as got out of the car and followed Natalie into the predominantly male gym.

Natalie just nodded and entered the building. "I know you have a locker here so go change and meet me on the mats in 10 minutes." Without giving him chance to respond, Natalie turned toward the women's change room thankful she had been planning to hit the Serenity Springs gym after work. After changing into a pair of shorts and tank-top, she headed to the mats and waited for John. He appeared a few minutes later, dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and a tight black top that showed off his tattoo, and rippling muscles. Forcing herself not to stare, Natalie smiled when she realized he still looked confused.

"You do know you're the only woman here right?" John said, as he looked around and took notice of the many men that were staring at Natalie in her revealing workout clothes. But, she just shrugged.

"What are we doing here?" he finally asked.

"Well, you need to relax and I need to learn how to protect myself. There's no time like the present right?"

John looked at her like she had just grown another head. "You brought me here to teach you how to fight?"

Natalie nodded, amused at his disbelief. "Hey, just the other day you said you were too busy to be my protector, so I may as well learn." Natalie said lightly.

John continued to stare at her like she was crazy. He hadn't really been sure what to expect when Natalie told him to follow her, but never in a million years would he have imagined she'd bring him here. "You know when you said we were going out I thought Rodi's, some burgers, beer, maybe a game of pool…"

"Nope!" Natalie said cheerfully, but sensing his hesitation decided to bargain. "How about this, we stay here for an hour or so, and then we hit Rodi's for that beer. And hey, maybe if you're good, I'll even let you beat me for once." She mocked, knowing it would get under his skin.

"I don't need you to let me win…"

Natalie just smiled. "Sure you don't. So are we going to do this?"

Realizing that there was no way he was getting out of it, John sighed in defeat and picked up some fighting gloves from the side of the mat. He handed her a pair and proceeded to put his own on. "Okay, let's see what we have to work with… hit me."

Now it was Natalie's turn to look at him like he was crazy. "John, I'm not going to hit you."

"You're not going to hurt me."

"No."

"Natalie would you just hit me."

"No."

"Hit me."

Before John even knew what was happening, Natalie's raised her arm into a left hook and swung at his shoulder, causing John to stumble backward. After regaining his balance, and rubbing his now sore shoulder, he looked at her in disbelief.

"You hit me."

Natalie was just about to argue that he has asked her too, when she saw the playful smile on his face. Happy that his mind seemed to be off what they had learned earlier, Natalie ignored his comment. "Okay, so I figure I have already have pretty good right hook, well at least that's what your brother says, so what else do I need to know?"

"Yeah, you're right hook is fine." John said as he rubbed his shoulder again. He had known she could hit, but he just didn't realize how hard. "Okay, what about blocking?"

Natalie shrugged. "I'm okay I guess. Remember, I grew up in Jersey."

"Okay, I am going to move into hit you and I want you to block them," John said taking a step toward her. Again to his surprise she was a natural and was able to block every move he made.

"From what I have seen it doesn't look to me like you really need my help here…" John said once they had finished with the blocks.

Natalie smiled. "Well hitting and blocking are easy. When all the serial killers come after me they either go from behind or are holding a knife or gun. What do I do then?"

"Okay there are a few moves I can show you if you're attacked from behind." Walking over to her, John stood behind her and loosely put his arm to her throat. "Okay, if they came up like this, you have a few options. One you can try spinning around out of his grasp, but only if his arms loose. If it's tight like this," John tightened his grip for a second before letting go, "then you could just injure yourself."

Trying not to get distracted by how close he was to her, Natalie cleared her throat. "And ah... what if it is tight, ah... what do I do then?"

"Take your heel and bring it down hard on his foot. This should distract him enough to loosen his grip so you can spin out of it."

"What if that doesn't work?" She asked, now desperately trying not to get turned on by the feeling of his breath in her ear.

"Then I guess you wait for me to show up," John whispered back unable to help himself. Just holding her in this position was exciting him.

"Because you always do." By now Natalie's breaths were coming out in ragged pants.

"And because I always will."

"Johnny! I thought I saw you come in!" A loud voice from the other side of the gym caused them to jump apart guilty. The owner of the gym, Roarke made his way over to them, and John introduced him to Natalie. As John and the older man made small talk, Natalie used this opportunity to grab a drink of water and cool down. She mentally slapped herself for letting her body react to John in that way and forced herself to think clean, non-sexual thoughts until he rejoined her.

For the next hour, John taught her a series of maneuvers to use in order to protect herself from being attacked and ways to get out of any holds. For the most part Natalie was able to keep her mind on the task of learning and nothing else, but that ended when she tried out the last move he was showing her. It was a complicated way of spinning out of a choke hold and getting the guy down on the ground. Natalie had managed the first part of it, but as she tried to get John to lose his balance and fall, she accidentally went down with him.

Now laying on top of him and feeling every inch of his body underneath her, Natalie felt herself going breathless as she imagined the feel of him. John, seeing the familiar look in Natalie's eyes and feeling her body, also started to get turned on and felt himself harden. Knowing he wanted his more then anything, he began to lean in, wanting to feel her lips on his. Realizing what he was doing, Natalie threw caution to the wind and also began to lean in.

"Get a room." Just as they were about to kiss, a group of twenty-year old guys obnoxiously called out to them with catcalls. Once again they jumped apart and to their feet. Feeling her face flush, Natalie turned away from him and pulled off her gloves. "Well that was good… I mean that was a good work out. Let's call it a day and hit Rodi's." Without waiting for an answer, Natalie fled toward the locker room, suddenly needing to cool down.

Grateful that he was wearing sweatpants, John turned toward the men's room. After that workout he was going to need a very cold shower.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve **

Natalie spent the ride to Rodi's chattering nervously. After their sexual tension filled fighting lesson, Natalie found herself needing to keep her mind off what it had been on. So, she spent the whole ride talking about anything and everything. When she started on about the weather, John had to stop her.

"Natalie we need to talk about this."

Forcing herself to appear oblivious, Natalie pulled into the closest parking spot she could find and unbuckled her seat belt. "Talk about what?" she finally asked.

"This is the second time in a week something almost started between us." Under most circumstances John wouldn't be the one to start a conversation like this, but with them working together so closely it was something that needed to be addressed.

Natalie sighed and sat back in the driver's seat then faced John. "I don't think we should do this now. Look at our history John… every time something like this happens, or every time we attempt to talk about what's going on between us it either ends in a fight, with you walking away, or a few weeks of awkward moments. We obviously have a lot to talk about, and it goes as far back as the whole thing with Cris, but I don't think now's the time. The more leads we find, the bigger this case gets and I don't want to jeopardize this. Let's just be friends for now, and if by the end of the case there's still a need to talk about everything, we will."

Knowing that Natalie had a point, John nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." Natalie echoed as she started to get out of the car. "Now come on McBain, let's see if you can actually beat me for once."

Natalie and John spent the rest of the evening at Rodi's eating burgers, drinking beer and playing pool, just as Natalie had promised. At first she had been tempted to let him win a game, knowing what a bad day he had had, but she figured he'd know, so she proceeded to beat him at every game. After dropping him off at the station so he could get his car, Natalie made her way toward Llanfair with a lot on her mind.

Having spent the last few days hanging out with John, Natalie couldn't help but feel like they had gone back to the way they had once been – before Statesville, before Hayes, before Evangeline and Paul, and back to a time when they actually had a chance. Sighing, Natalie wished that things with her mother and Jessica were back to normal because she could really use someone to talk to. Suddenly wanting to be any place but Llanfair, Natalie made a quick turn and headed back toward angel square deciding she would hit Roxy up for a room for the night.

Hoping that she didn't run into John, Natalie slowly made her way into the hotel and looked around for Roxy, but for the first time she was nowhere in sight. "Hey Natalie," turning around Natalie saw Marcie come behind the receptionist desk. "Are you looking for John because I just saw him go up to his room?"

Shaking her head, Natalie forced a smile. "Actually I was looking for Roxy, is she around?"

"No she's not. She asked me to watch the reception desk while she was gone. Did you want me to give her a message for you?" Seeing how Natalie's face seemed to fall, Marcie decided to be nicer. It was no secret that she and Natalie hadn't exactly been the best of friends, but recently Marcie had been realizing that she was being too hard on her and holding a grudge against her for things that had long since been over.

"No thanks. By the way, congratulations on buying the cottage! I talked to Cris and we'll have everything out by the end of this week."

"Are you okay Natalie?" Marcie gently asked.

Natalie forced another smile. "I'm fine, I was just hoping Roxy would give me a room for the night, I just don't feel like going home."

Having heard what was going on with Vicki and Jessica, Marcie nodded sympathetically. "We have a bunch of rooms free, I'm sure Roxy wouldn't mind is there anyone in particular?"

"It doesn't matter,"

Walking over to the key rack, Marcie pulled down the keys for the room down the hall from Johns. "Here you go."

Grateful for Marcie's help, Natalie took the keys. "Thanks Marcie."

Marcie just nodded, but as Natalie was walking away, suddenly spoke up. "Natalie…"

"Yeah?" Natalie said turning to face the other woman.

"I know we've never been the best of friends, but if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can call me."

Now genuinely smiling, Natalie nodded. "Thanks Marcie," once again Natalie started to talk away but suddenly turned back and went to stand before the desk. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Did you still love Michael during the time you were broken up?"

"Yes, as much as I tried not too, I couldn't help it."

"But how did you manage to stay friends with him and not let your feelings get in the way?"

Marcie thought about the question carefully before answering. Finally she spoke slowly. "I'm not sure I ever did. I mean look at the way I got jealous when I saw you hanging out with him… it killed me inside and there was no way to hide it. And with Hugh, well… I think that was more to get back at Michael then to actually make me happy."

Natalie nodded and stepped away from the desk. "Thanks Marcie."

"Anytime." As Natalie was starting up the stairs, Marcie called back to her once more. "Natalie?"

"Yeah?"

"It's obvious he still really cares about you."

After retuning to the hotel and his room, John laid awake for a while just thinking things over. The day had been an emotional roller coaster full of fast loops and sharp turns. After learning that doctor who had drunkenly operated on his father was none other then Paige Miller, John would be the first to admit, he had nearly lost it.

Thank God Natalie was there.

Remembering the way she had gone over to him, put her hands on his shoulders and calmed him down, John sighed unable to believe how lucky he was. Here was woman who he had pushed away countless times, acted like a jerk toward, and almost destroyed her life by keeping her husbands existence a secret, but yet even after all that she cared enough to do something like that. And then drag him to Roarkes.

She had been right about not letting him hole up in his apartment. Not once during their entire night together had his mind been on his father's death or Paige's involvement. Instead he spent the time just enjoyed being with Natalie… playing pool, and teaching her how to fight.

Thinking back to their time at the gym, John couldn't help but smile. When she had dragged him there and told him he was going to teach her how to fight, John was actually speechless. Just the fact that she cared enough about him to do something like that in itself was hard to believe, but the fact that it had worked, and kept John's mind off the case, blew him away.

It was in that instant John admitted to himself that he was in love with her.

Truth be told, he had probably been in love with her since before Evangeline, but with everything that happened between them, it was easier to just push it away and act like it didn't exist. Even when they finally got together, John continued to push it away, knowing that while her husband was still alive, it wasn't fair to either one of them.

But now, there was nothing in their way.

In the car when he had brought it up, a part of John really hoped they would deal with it right then and there so he could finally be honest with her. But, Natalie had closed up and not wanted to talk about it.

Nobody could blame her after all the times he had pushed her away.

Sighing, John rolled over and tried to sleep, but before doing so he made a promise to himself.

If it was the last thing he did, he would make it up to Natalie for all the times he had hurt her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen **

Natalie woke up early the next morning with the hope that she could sneak out of the hotel and back to Llanfair without anyone seeing her. But that hope was dashed as she ran right into John as he was coming out of his room.

"Natalie," he said surprised. "I thought we agreed to meet at the station…"

"We did."

"Then…" Suddenly realizing that she was wearing the same clothes from the day before, John's brow furrowed in concern. "Did you spend the night here?"

Sighing she looked down at the floor. "Yeah."

John was just about to ask if everything was okay when Roxy came down the hallway, looking concerned. Actually ignoring John and not bothering to make any comment, Roxy went straight to Natalie. "Marcie just told me you spent the night here, is everything okay baby?"

Forcing a smile, Natalie nodded. "Yeah, I had just had a few beers and didn't want to risk driving home."

Though he knew Natalie had hardly touched the one beer she'd ordered, John kept silent. Roxy remained silent too for a bit as if trying to decide if she believed her, but finally she smiled. "Well as long as you know you can always stay here… either back in Johnny Mac's room, or any other one."

Rolling her eyes, Natalie smiled and handed her back the room key. "All right Roxy. Listen are you busy?" Natalie asked, remembering that her and John had planned to interview her today.

Roxy shook her head. "Why? Did you want me to do your nails?" Roxy picked up Natalie's hand and examined it. "Cause you could really use a manicure."

Understand what Natalie was thinking, John broke in. "Actually Roxy, we were hoping to ask you a few questions."

Dropping Natalie's hand like a hot potato, Roxy looked nervously between them. "From my experience it's never a good thing when a cop says that to you… Is this about the incident at the docks? Because I really don't know how I ended up without my shirt…."

Though mentally cringing, John shook his head. "It's nothing about you, we just need to ask you a few questions about Walter."

At the mention of her husband's name, Roxy's eyes narrowed. "What the hell do you want to know about that bastard? He's been dead for over twenty years."

Seeing this wasn't going to be easy, John opened up the door to his room and motioned for her to enter. Sensing Roxy's hesitation, Natalie smiled at her. "Please Roxy?"

Sighing, Roxy followed them into the room and looked around. "Been awhile since I've been in here… you know Johnny you could really use a woman's touch around here, my Natty here has great style and I'm sure she wouldn't…"

"So anyway Roxy," Natalie started just wanted to get this over, "as you know I have been helping John with his father's case."

Roxy solemnly nodded. "I remember, you almost got yourself raped by that George guy to get him information… you know if that isn't love I don't know what is…."

John cut her off. "Well when we looked at some of our leads your husbands name came up."

"You mean the lying, abusive, bastard I was married too."

John sighed. "Yeah him. Well we were just wondering if there was anything you could tell us? Anything illegal that he was involved in, any shady business partners he worked with? You know, stuff like that."

Suddenly Roxy's whole demeanor changed and it was one of those rare moments where she became serious. "I don't know anything about what Walter was involved with. When he wasn't slapping me around, I was off someplace getting drunk and avoiding him. I can't help you."

Standing up, Roxy moved toward the door but stopped. "Down in the basement storage there are a whole bunch of old boxes of Walter's things. Maybe there is something in there that can help you." Quickly turning away, Roxy left the room.

Once the door was firmly shut behind her John glanced over at Natalie. "She really hated him didn't she?"

"Yeah." Standing up, Natalie also moved toward the door. "We should head down to the basement and go through those boxes." She said as she started to leave, but stopped when John called out to her.

"Natalie, wait."

"Yeah?"

"Are things that bad at Llanfair?"

Natalie's shoulders sagged and she shut the door again. "It's not that things are bad there, there's just so much I can take. For the past five months it's been a madhouse there - Tess and Nikki suddenly popping out and taking off, Nash and Antonio arguing and fighting any chance they get, Dorian coming over and hanging off my father, sudden appearances by Dr. Crosby and Dr. Jamison ready to analyze the crazy family. There's just nowhere to go to escape it you know? And any day now Jess or Tess is going to have the baby, so in addition to that there will be 4am feedings and a baby crying all night."

"So why don't you move out?"

"There's no where else for me to go. Rex doesn't have the room, Kelly is still living in the carriage house, Dad, Kevin, Nash and Duke are all staying at Asa's and we just sold the cottage to your brother and Marcie. And until the money from the sale goes through I can't start looking for a new place."

"Why don't you move in here… I mean to the hotel?" John quickly corrected himself.

Natalie shrugged. "I don't know, with everything that's happened, I guess I wasn't sure if I'd be overstepping, you know suddenly moving into your building."

John rolled his eyes. "Natalie, that's ridiculous. Roxy has the room here, and it sounds like you really need to get out of Llanfair."

"I'll think about it. Now come on lets go look through those boxes." Changing the subject, Natalie quickly turned and left the room giving John no chance but to follow her.

She led the way to the basement of the building and toward the storage area where she knew Roxy kept her stuff, but both of them suddenly stopped in horror, amazed at what a disaster the area was.

"This is going to take us hours," Natalie moaned, now dreading the task that awaited them. "Especially since we aren't even sure what we're looking for."

Rolling up his sleeves, John walked over to the mess and started to shuffle through the closest box. "How about you take that side and I'll start here?"

"Okay."

For the next few hours they went through a bunch of the boxes before them, looking for anything that could help them. They had been at it nonstop, going through clothes, books, old dishes, just a whole bunch of junk when Natalie heard John snot with laughter.

Curious, Natalie looked up from the box she was searching through. "What's so funny?"

Smiling, John turned toward her and began to read. "_Natalie has a very short temper and is often defiant during class time. She also has a problem with authority and as a result has missed a lot of class time as she spends a lot of time at the office_…. Why does this not surprise me?"

"Was that written by Mrs. White?"

John looked over the old report card he was holding and shook his head. "No, a Ms. Lewis."

Natalie shrugged. "Yeah well, they both hated me."

Still smiling John put down the paper and continued looking through the book. A few minutes went by, and then suddenly he was laughing again.

Annoyed, she looked back up at him. "What now?"

Once again he began to read. "_Dear Mrs. Balsom, I wanted to make you aware of a situation we had today with your daughter Natalie. During the lunch recess, Natalie got into a fight with fellow student Daniel Mathews. They were both sent to the office and I told them that they had to write a letter of apology to one another before I would allow them back in to class. Natalie however refused to do so, and used some unacceptable language to convey her displeasure. As a result of this we will be keeping her in at all recesses for the next month. Sincerely, Mr. Johnson, Principal_." Remembering the scene in Dr. Crosby's office where Natalie wrote the note telling him where he could go, John could easily imagine a younger Natalie in the same situation.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "I thought we were looking for stuff on Walter, not taking a trip down memory lane."

John continued to go through the box, shaking his head as he found a few letters of suspension from her high school. Finally, a small strip of photographs caught his eye. Pulling them out he realized they were from one of those photo booth things that could usually be found in malls. The pictures were of a younger Natalie, probably sixteen or seventeen with some guy. In the first three the pictures she was smiling happily, and in the forth kissing him.

"Who's this?" John asked with a small hint of jealously creeping into his voice.

Natalie looked over at what he was holding, and made a face. "Seth Anderson. You can just rip those up." Seeing the confused look on John's face, she sighed and continued. "He was my boyfriend in high school… also part of the reason I always seemed to end up in detention. When I found out about being a Buchanan, I was angry and wanted revenge. Seth came to Llanview with me to help."

"What happened?"

Natalie laughed bitterly. "He fell for Jessica."

"He actually left you for her? The guy's not only blind, but also an idiot."

Natalie smiled at the compliment but didn't say anything. John was just about to ask her more about his guy when Natalie suddenly spoke, "I've got something!"

Dropping the stuff he had been going through, John went over to her. "What is it?"

Natalie held up some paper. "A few months before his death Water purchased a safety deposit box at this bank. This is the transaction record. But John, look at the date he took it out…"

Looking over her shoulder, John read it aloud. "That's the day after my father's death… there's no way that's a coincidence."

"We have to go access to that box, there could be something there."

John nodded. "Yeah, but how are we going to do that? We don't have a key and I don't think I have enough to persuade a judge for a warrant…."

Natalie's shoulder sagged as she realized he was right. But, then her eyes lit up and she smiled. "I've got an idea…."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen **

Later on that afternoon, after taking one last deep breath, Natalie nodded at John and together they strode toward the bank teller.

"How can I help you today?" The woman asked, a large smile plastered on her face.

"Actually, I was hoping I could speak to your bank manager. Is he free?"

The teller looked over her shoulder and nodded. "Just a minute please." She was gone for a few minutes, and then suddenly reappeared with an older man beside her.

"How may I help you two?" The man asked.

Natalie flashed him a winning smile. "Actually sir, is there anyway we could go into your office? It's sort of a private matter…."

Trying to remain calm John wondered for the millionth time if he had made a mistake in letting Natalie do this. All she had said was for him to trust her and follow her lead. At first John had started to argue, but remembering how good she had been with Allison, John decided to trust her.

The man nodded, and led them into his office. Once they were seated, Natalie took a second to look around and then smiled at him once more and thanked him for seeing them.

"My name is Natalie Balsom, and this is my fiancé John." As Natalie handed him her old New Jersey license which read Balsom, John tried forced himself not to appear surprised. "The reason we are here is a little bit complicated. See, my mother died after giving birth to me and my father died when I was much younger," Reaching into her purse Natalie pulled out Walter's death certificate and handed it to him. "And well as I was going through some of his things recently I came across a letter he had written to me before he died… see he had been really sick." Natalie took a shaky breath, trying to seem like the devastated daughter.

"In this letter he told me how much he loved me and how he would always be with me, but he also said he had placed my mother and his wedding ring set in a safety deposit box for when I was older." Natalie grabbed a tissue and began to dab at her eyes. "And well in the letter he talked about how much it would mean to him if I used it when I got married."

The bank manager nodded sympathetically. "I am quite sorry to hear about your loss. But I'd be happy to take you down there if you could show me the key."

Natalie drew in another shaky breath. "That's the problem sir; the key must have been misplaced because it wasn't with the letter."

"I'm very sorry, but without the key I can't help you."

Suddenly Natalie burst into tears. "He was all I had…" she choked out, through her sobs. "And this was his last wish…." Trailing off she leaned over and buried her head in John's shoulder. "John, what are we going to do… it's bad enough I have no one to walk me down the aisle or dance with…. Now I can't even fulfill Daddy's last wish… we should postpone the wedding, wait until we find the key…but what if we never do? Oh no… this is awful…" She managed to choke out through her sobs.

Deciding to go with it, John awkwardly hugged her and fixed the bank manager with a desperate look. "Pease sir, isn't there anything you can do? This means so much to her, and the wedding is in two weeks…"

Looking between the couple, and seeing how hysterical the young woman was becoming, the bank manager looked down at the death certificate and Natalie's license. "What box did you say it was?" He finally relented having been in the business long enough to know when someone was sincere.

Natalie pulled away from John, and looked at him through teary, hopeful eyes. "216,"

The bank manager nodded. "I'll have a teller open the box for you. But since your father has passed away I need you to clear out the box so we can free it up."

Wiping away her tears, Natalie jumped up and went over and hugged the man for good measure as John looked on in slight shock. "Oh thank you sir, thank you so much. I'm sure my father is looking down on us right now and smiling."

Still playing the role of the devoted daughter, Natalie continued to talk about Walter as the teller walked them down to the safety deposit boxes. Once the box was opened and John and Natalie had been led into a private room and left alone, Natalie wiped at her eyes and smiled as John looked at her in complete shock.

Seeing his expression, Natalie let out a small laugh. "What? Are you finally seeing what a great criminal I would have made?"

"I was thinking more what a great cop. Seriously Natalie, I worked a ton of undercover operations when I was with the FBI, I don't think I ever met any agent who would have been able to pull that off. How did you come up with it?" He asked, as there had been no definitive plan going in.

Embarrassed by his praise, she shrugged. "It's all about reading people. Once we were in his office I noticed a few of the framed pictures on the side table, one of them was of him and a younger woman on her wedding day, probably his daughter. Once I saw that I knew what angle to go with."

"The tears and everything… Natalie that was amazing."

"And you told me to stay out of this," she said lightly as she began to open the box.

Going over to her John grabbed her hand and stared down at her. "I was wrong. Without your help on this I wouldn't have half of what I do now. Thank you."

Unsure of how to respond, Natalie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away. "You're welcome," she mumbled before pulling the lid off the box.

The contents of the box now staring up at them, they both gasped in shock.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen **

Handing John an evidence bag and Kleenex from her purse, Natalie watched as he bagged the shiny black gun that had been facing them.

"Are you okay?" Natalie asked softly, knowing that it was likely they had just found the gun that had shot his father and the person that did it.

John said nothing, but pocketed the gun in his jacket. Grabbing another tissue, Natalie began to go through the contents. Seeing a stack of hundred dollar bills, Natalie also handed them to him.

"There has to be close to ten thousand here," he remarked, also putting the money into an evidence bag.

Hearing Natalie gasp, John put the bills aside and made his way over to her. "What is it?"

Wordlessly, Natalie handed him a stack of passports from various countries. Opening them up he saw each of them had a different name, but were all of the same man. "Is this Walter?" he asked.

"Yes, But that's not the thing… look at the issue date of the Canadian one."

Opening it up the passport that was listed as Ryan Jones, John glanced down, his eyes widening. "March 12, 2002."

Equally shocked, Natalie nodded. "He died in 1982. Someone has been to this box since his death…"

Raking a hand through his hair, John took a second to try and let everything process. "You said it was a car crash?"

"Yes, his car exploded outside the hospital as he was coming home. Apparently it was the result of a faulty gas tank. Do you think he staged his death?"

John shrugged. "It's not impossible. Let's see if there is anything else." John said as he began to take out all the contents of the box. There were a few useless papers, deeds to their old house in AC, some bank records, but finally John found something useful.

After skimming it over, John handed it to Natalie who read it aloud. "This is a purchase agreement from 2001 under the name of George Styles."

"Yeah, for a place in the Cayman islands. The address is listed at the bottom."

Now completely overwhelmed Natalie lowered the paper. "I can't believe this."

"Let's bag this all and get back to the station."

Nodding, Natalie helped him gather everything up, her mind racing.

The spent the entire drive back to Llanview going over every piece of the case, and analyzed everything carefully. When they got to the topic of the property in the Cayman Islands and Walter possibly being alive, both were clueless as to what it meant. Finally, Natalie threw out what they had both been thinking.

"We have to go down there and check it out."

John sighed and kept his eyes on the road. "I don't know if that's going to be possible Natalie. Bo's already being pretty lenient letting me chase this case, but I'm not sure he'd approve that, especially since the Cayman Islands are a country that openly refuses extradition."

"You have some vacation time saved up don't you?"

Realizing she was serious, John glanced over at her. "Yeah but I'm not sure I have the money to go running down to Grand Cayman for a few days."

Natalie smiled. "Either do I, but I know someone who not only has his own plane, but also a place down there. Listen; drop me off at Asa's. You head to the station, talk to Uncle Bo and get the gun analyzed. I'll call you once I talk to my grandfather."

Though John wasn't completely comfortable with using the Buchanan resources, he realized this could be the only way to find out who had killed his father. "Nodding, he made the turn toward the Buchanan property.

Once John dropped her off, Natalie strode up to the mansion and let herself in. Seeing Nigel lurking by the stairs, she smiled.

"Hey Nigel, is grandpa busy?"

The older man shook his head. "You know Asa; he always has time for family. He's in the study."

Natalie thanked him and let herself into his study. Seeing he was on the phone, she quietly took a seat and patiently waited. Asa didn't make her wait long as he abruptly ended the call and looked across at her.

"Hey Grandpa, do you have a few minutes?"

Asa smiled. "Always for my granddaughter. What brings you by?"

"Actually I am here to ask you for a favor."

Surprised since Natalie was his only grandchild that hardly asked for anything, Asa nodded. "What do you need?"

Natalie took a deep breath. Despite being a Buchanan for nearly five years, she still wasn't used to everything that came with it. "Well, I have been helping John in finding his father's murderer and we just got a lead to a place down in the Cayman Islands. I was hoping that we could use the BE jet and maybe the place you have down there."

Asa nodded. "Of course, when do you need to leave?"

"Tonight?"

Asa leaned over and picked up the phone off his desk. After dialing a number, he waited for a second and began to speak. After telling the person on the other end what Natalie need, he nodded and hung up.

"Done." Suddenly Asa's smile faded and he fixed Natalie was a hard look. "So you're helping McBain with this? Even after everything he put you though?"

Natalie sighed. "Grandpa, don't start. John's a good guy…"

Asa just snorted. "Darlin', he's a cop… and if that wasn't bad enough he made an adulterer out of you and almost got you killed…"

"Yeah, but he's saved my life about a dozen times, I think it cancels that one time out." Seeing Asa was about to argue with her, Natalie held up a hand to stop him. "Grandpa, I don't want to talk about this. I am twenty-eight years old, I can make my own decisions."

Asa sighed. "Fine, let's talk about the fact your uncle mentioned something about you trying for some police job. Are you out of your mind…"

"Grandpa!" Natalie's voice was warning, "Enough. I have to talk to you about something else anyways."

"What?"

"Spencer Truman."

Asa's eyes narrowed and he visibly tensed. "What about him?"

Her face deadly serious, Natalie stared directly into his eyes. "I need to know what he has against this family and I want the truth."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen **

For a second, Asa gave her a look like a deer caught in headlights before his face went blank. "What makes you think he has something against our family?"

"Cut the crap grandpa. I know about the files he had on BE and how he wants to ruin the family… why?"

"It isn't important…"

"Yes it is." Natalie continued to press. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."

Asa looked at his granddaughter for a few more seconds then sighed. "You're the most stubborn person I know."

"I must get it from you."

Seeing so much of himself in her, Asa couldn't help but smile. But the smile soon vanished as he stood up and poured himself a drink.

"A few months ago I broke into Spencer's office and found this photo." Asa reached into one of the drawers and handed it to her. It was of a young blonde woman, probably taken about fifty years ago. "It's his mother."

"You knew her?" Natalie asked, handing the photo back.

Asa nodded. "She worked out on our properties in Texas. Seemed like a nice, young girl. Well, after one of my marriages ended, I headed out there for a few days to be alone and she was working."

Knowing her grandfather's history with women, Natalie could see where this was going and forced herself not to react. "You slept with her." she kept her voice flat and direct.

Not enjoying talking about something like this with his granddaughter, Asa slightly flushed and took a drink. "Yes. It was just the one time, but the second it was over she bolted. The next day the Texas police showed up at my door to arrest me for rape." Seeing his granddaughter's expression Asa brought his fist down on the desk making her jump. "I did not rape her."

Natalie remained silent, allowing him to continue.

"They arrested and charged me. After I got out on bail she came to see me. Told me for a hundred thousand dollars it would go away." Asa took another sip. "That bitch tried to extort me."

"And you didn't put up with it did you?" Natalie asked knowing what her grandfather was capable of.

Asa shook his head. "Like hell I did. I worked too damn hard to build this company; I wasn't going to let that lying she-devil ruin everything. I told her she could go to hell. I hired some people; they made the charge go away because there was no evidence. Then they set out on her."

"What did they do?"

Asa laughed warily. "They destroyed her. Caused her to lose her job, her house and arranged it so she suddenly had horrible credit. Finally they planted drugs on her and ensured she was arrested for it. She was sentenced to five years in prison."

"Where is she now?"

Asa looked down at the desk, seeming slightly guilty. When he raised his eyes to meet hers, she knew before he even said the words. "She killed herself in prison."

Natalie took a shaky breath and wasn't sure how she felt about everything she had just heard. She had always known her grandfather had a "don't mess with me or my family" attitude but to know he willingly destroyed a woman's life like this. She forced herself to remember that the woman had tried to extort him.

Seeing how quiet she had become, Asa gulped down the rest of his drink. "She was about ready to destroy my life. I did what had to be done."

"What about Spencer?" Natalie finally asked.

Asa just shrugged. "I didn't even know she had a kid."

Natalie remained quiet for a second before something clicked. "How long ago was this?"

"About forty-five years ago."

"Grandpa…… the other day, I overheard Blair say she was taking Spencer out for his forty-fifth birthday…" Asa's face went white, and his eyes widened, but Natalie had to continue. "Is it possible he's your son?"

Asa remained completely frozen and silent for a few minutes and Natalie took that as her cue to leave. Standing up she went behind the desk and gave him a quick hug. "I love you grandpa, no matter what."

As she was leaving the room, she looked back one last time at a still motionless Asa. "Grandpa?"

"Yeah?" he choked out his voice shaky.

"You don't need to worry, I won't tell anyone about this."

Asa just nodded and Natalie left the room, also in a slight state of shock. She had planned on telling Asa about Spencer's involvement with Walter. But after seeing what a number the possibility that Spencer was his son, had done to Asa, Natalie decided it wasn't important.

Realizing that she didn't have her car, Natalie opted to walk the distance to Llanfair, but was stopped outside the property by Nash.

"Do you need a life somewhere?" he asked as he rolled down his car window.

Natalie hesitated. As much as she wasn't happy about Nash's presence in Jessica's life, Natalie had to admit he really did care about her sister.

"Are you heading to Llanfair?" she finally asked.

Nash nodded, and Natalie made her way over to the passenger side. "Thank you," she said trying not to sound too cold.

After taking her cell phone out of her purse, Natalie dialed John and left a message for him telling him to pack a bag and meet her at the airport in an hour. Once she was finished Nash curiously glanced over at her.

"Where are you headed?"

Natalie bit back a snide comment and forced a small smile. "I can't really say, it's related to the case I am helping John on."

"Oh." Nash paused for a few minutes and continued to drive. Finally he spoke again, "You and Jessica are close right?"

Natalie nodded. "Very close."

"How do you deal with it? How do you live knowing what that bastard did to her as a child and not let it affect you? How do you look at her and not feel pity knowing what she went though? How do you help her through it?"

Sighing Natalie thought about it for a second before answering. "I start by reminding myself that our parents and family already pity her. Then I remind myself that she has a whole team of doctors trying to help her. Then I put myself in her position. Would I want everyone's pity? No. Would I want to be looked at differently? No. Would I want to be treated like a piece of glass? No. Those are the things I keep in mind. So then when I see her, I don't treat her any differently, I act like she is the same Jessica and continue to be there for her. This is something that Jessica is going to have to live with for the rest of her life, and something she is going to have to deal with. The more everyone pities her and walks on eggshells around her, the more she is going to pull away from us."

"I just want to kill the bastard that did this to her."

"On that point, we agree."

They spent the rest of the ride and silence and Natalie was left alone with her thoughts. After talking about Jessica, Natalie could help but remember all the times John had been there for her. No matter what situation she was in, or how bad things got, he was there and never treated her any differently.

Despite everything that had happened, she was lucky to have him in her life.

Natalie didn't speak again until they were entering the house. "You just have to be there for her." She said once more, before turning for the stairs and heading up to her room.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen **

Natalie sat there waiting at the airport gates when John came rushing in, his black duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

"Sorry I'm late," he said as she stood up and met him. "I was waiting for ballistics to come back on the gun we found in the safety deposit box."

"Was it the one?" Natalie asked quietly.

John nodded solemnly, deciding not to tell her the other reason he had been late was because he had taken a half hour to tear apart his room in order to release some of his anger. But seeing the way his left hand was bandaged, Natalie predicted what he had done and made a mental note to call Michael and have him straighten up the place before John got back.

Stopping at the gate, she took a hold of his uninjured hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry."

Smiling at how well she knew him, John just nodded and let go of her hand motioning for Natalie to lead the way. Once they were on the Buchanan jet, John took a second to look around before letting out a low whistle. Natalie just rolled her eyes and took a seat on one of the leather couches. John sat down across from her and they both buckled their seatbelts.

Once she heard the roar of the plane engine, Natalie gripped the arm rest so tightly that her hands started to turn white. Seeing this and noticing the way Natalie had her eyes and mouth clamped shut, John looked at her in concern.

"Natalie, are you all right?"

Without opening her eyes, Natalie frantically nodded her head. When the plane started to taxi, he heard her start to count.

"Natalie, are you scared of flying?"

Opening one eye, she looked across at him, "No" she answered before shutting her eyes again.

John bit back the laugh that was forming. "You know statistics have proven that planes are safer then cars."

"Yeah well common sense proves you actually have a chance surviving a car accident, can't say that about planes."

"How long have you been scared of flying?"

Natalie opened both her eyes and fixed him with a frustrated stare. "I'm not scared."

John just rolled his eyes. "You know you don't always have to be so tough, it's okay to show a little weakness once in awhile."

"Oh that's rich coming from you," she said tying not to get angry. "The king of hiding from feelings is lecturing me on my actions."

John just shrugged nonchalantly. "Just trying to help make you a better person."

"What the hell does that mean?" Her voice was starting to rise and if looks could kill he would be dead.

"I just think you need to stop keeping everything all bottled up. You know, it's okay to cry once in awhile… no one would judge you."

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to me about emotions? You're the guy that bolted every single time I tried to talk to you about how I was feeling. You're the one that holes up in his apartment when he's upset and pushes everyone away. And for you to sit there and talk to me about…"

"Ms. Buchanan, Mr. McBain, this is your pilot speaking. I just want you to know we are in the air at our desired altitude and it is safe for you to take off your seatbelts and move around the cabin."

Natalie turned her attention back to John who was now smiling. Not sure whether to be annoyed or amused Natalie shook her head. "You did that on purpose."

"I figured getting you mad would be the best way to take your mind off it."

Natalie let out the breath she had been holding. "Thanks, I think."

"You looked about ready to kill me." John said with a small laugh, his mind actually away from his earlier anger over finding the gun that shot his father."

Now it was Natalie's turn to smile. "A couple more minutes and I probably would have tried."

Remembering that Natalie had planned on speaking to her grandfather about Spencer, John changed the subject. "How did it go with Asa?" Natalie just made a face which told John whatever she had learned wasn't going to be good. He didn't press her again, knowing she would eventually start talking.

"Before I tell you what I learned I need you to promise me you will say and do nothing about this."

Feeling like he was being backed into a corner, John stiffened. "Did Asa do something I may have to arrest him for?"

Natalie shook her head. "No, nothing like that, but it's pretty bad and I gave him my word I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Okay, it stays between us."

Feeling very relieved as she knew she could trust him, Natalie began to tell him what she had learned. All about Spencer's mother lied about him raping her, how Asa had hired people to destroy her life, how she had ended up in prison and finally how it was possible that Spencer was his son. Once she had finished, John took a few minutes to take everything in.

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

"At least your not part of the crazy, messed up family." Natalie said with a forced smile as she settled back on the couch. "As I was leaving Asa's something occurred to me. If Walter was working closely with Spencer and Paige, it's likely that they could have known who I was. And if that's the case, if just one of them had reported it, I wouldn't have spent twenty-two years separated from my family."

Unsure of what to say, John just nodded. Finally he spoke softly, "I guess both our lives were ruined by these people."

A slight look of anger crossed into Natalie's eyes, but was quickly replaced with one of determination. "That's why we have to nail these bastards."

"I'm not so sure that's going to be possible. The fact that the gun that was used to shoot my father was in Walter's safety deposit box, makes it look like Walter was the one that pulled the trigger. If we go down there and find out he did in fact fake his death, the Cayman Islands doesn't extradite criminals back to the states. We may never have a chance to get him." Knowing this was part of the reason John had pretty much lost it and almost destroyed his room. The fact that his father's shooter could possibly spent the rest of his life sitting on the beach and sipping margaritas carelessly, was infuriating and just thinking about it made John's blood boil.

Seeing the dangerous glint of fury that was crossing onto John's face, Natalie knew she had to think of something. Luckily an idea came to her quickly.

"We just have to willingly get him back to Llanview."

"But how? He obviously faked his death for a reason, why would he come back?"

"Okay, here's my theory based on what we know and the evidence we have. Walter, Spencer, and possibly Paige and other unknown doctors were involved in this black-market sales ring right? One of them finds out that because of Allison your dad is closing in on them, and Walter goes to take care of it. Obviously something went wrong, maybe because I was with him at the time and got out of the car, or he didn't have a clear shot – but regardless he ends up leaving your father alive."

What she was saying made sense, so John nodded.

"Then your dad shows up at the hospital alive, and whether Paige was involved or not she manages to get the case and operates drunk. She ends up leaving the hospital, leaves Spencer and from what Rex told us, gave birth about 8 months later and gave her child up for adoption. But the one thing we don't know why she left Spencer. Was she involved with everything or did she find out what Spencer was up too?"

"We're going to have to talk to her."

Natalie nodded, "But we are going to have to tread carefully and talk to Uncle Bo first."

"Okay, so Paige has been out of the picture for about a year when Walter fakes his own death. Since she's gone, that leaves us with Spencer." John thought about it for a second. "For Walter to stage his own death rather then just take off, he was obviously scared of something. My guess would be Spencer. You and I both said there's just something about him that is off."

"So then that's what we use to draw him to Llanview. It's worth a shot John, because this could be our only hope of bringing Walter down."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen **

Once the plane landed in Grand Cayman, John and Natalie quickly cleared customs and to their surprise were met by the person who took care of Asa's property. By the time he had driven them to the small secluded beach house, it was well past midnight. He explained that there was a car in the garage at their disposal, and he had taken the liberty to stock the fridge with the necessities. After handing Natalie the keys and his number to call if they needed anything, he drove off.

Picking up their duffle bags, John and Natalie made their way to the front door with the sound of crashing waves behind them. They made their way inside to find a comfortable, cozy vacation home. It was all one level, consisting of a living room, kitchen and study. Their surprise however came when they realized there was only the one bedroom.

"I'll take the couch," John said breaking his eyes away from the large king size bed that stood before them.

Natalie shook her head. "John that's ridiculous. This bed is huge, there's enough room for the both of us."

"Are you sure?" After their drunken incident in his room earlier that week he wanted to be cautious he didn't cross a line.

"Yes. I'm just going to hit the bathroom and then it's all yours." Grabbing an oversized tee-shirt and her toothbrush from her bag, Natalie quickly went into the bathroom and closed the door. She took a few minutes to lean against the door frame and collect her thoughts. Despite how sure and determined her voice had sounded when she insisted they share the bed, Natalie was trying not to freak out.

The last time she had tried sharing a bed with him, he had muttered the words "I love you Natalie," and she did not want a repeat of that, since this time she had no where else to go.

Remaining calm, Natalie quickly got changed, brushed her teeth and left the bathroom. Jumping into the bed, she turned off the lights and called out to John, "Bathroom's free. Goodnight," in the hopes that by the time he made it to the bed, she would be fast asleep.

Unfortunately, John was quick and joined her in less then five minutes dressed only in a tee-shirt and boxers. "Are you sure about this?"

"John we are both mature adults who need to sleep."

Sighing, John got into the bed and laid straight on his back looking up at the ceiling.

"Good night Natalie."

"Good night John."

Though they both turned over and shut their eyes, due to the close proximity it was awhile before either one of them actually were able to sleep.

When John awoke the next morning he realized somehow during the night they had shifted and he was now holding Natalie close to him. John took a few minutes just to stare down at her, remembering the mornings before Statesville when he would do the same. He had always enjoyed seeing her like this, eyes closed, looking peaceful, with a mess of red hair tangled around her. She was beautiful.

More and more he was realizing how much he missed her bright laugh as they played pool, or the quiet noises she made while she slept, and most of all the sound of her moan as he…

Seeing where his mind was going, John gently pulled away from her, careful he didn't wake her.

After having a quick shower and getting dressed, John made his way into the kitchen and surveyed the contents of the fridge. Seeing eggs, milk, cheese and some peppers, he opted for an omelet. He was just putting it on his plate when Natalie walked in, looking half asleep and disheveled.

"Something smells good."

"Did you want some? There's enough for two here."

Natalie nodded and rummaged through the cabinets until she found some instant coffee. "Did you want some?" she then asked as she started to boil the water.

John nodded, and was stuck by how natural and comfortable this little domestic set up was. Pushing those thoughts aside, he picked up the two plates and carried them to the small table that was outside on the deck which overlooked the ocean. Natalie soon joined him with two steaming mugs of coffee and they began to eat.

"It's really beautiful here," Natalie remarked, enjoying the feeling of the sun and the smell of the salty air.

"Yeah it is."

They went back to eating in silence, and once they were finished talked about what they had ahead of them.

"We need to stake out Walter's address and confirm it is him before we figure out a way to lure him back to Llanview." John said as he took another sip of his coffee.

Natalie nodded and picked up her plate. "I'm just going to have a shower and then we can go."

It took a few practice laps around the area surrounding the beach house before John got used to driving in the left side of the road. Finally he pulled on to the main roads and began to drive. At first they had a few scary moments like when John turned into the right hand lane, and when he realized there were some different street signs, but eventually he got the hang of it. The made it to the address they had found alive and in one piece.

Parked across the street, they both looked over at the small house that was in front of them. It was part of a subdivision, and a short walk to the ocean.

"So, now what?" Natalie asked.

John took out a pair of binoculars and trained them on the house. "Well we have two options; we can either wait and see if he comes out, or go up and knock."

"Which one should we do?"

"Well the house is completely dark so it looks like he may not be there. The sooner we make an ID the sooner we can figure out what to do next." Lowering the binoculars, John turned to face her. "Do you have any type of paper or envelope in your purse?"

Unsure of what he was doing, Natalie grabbed her purse and went through it. Finally she produced an unopened credit card statement. "This is all I have," she said handing it to him.

"Perfect. Do you have that picture of Walter?"

Natalie reached back in her purse and withdrew the picture she had found buried under papers in the storage area of the hotel. "Okay, I'll be back in a second."

John got out of the car and Natalie watched as he made his way up to the house they suspected was Walters. John knocked and remained on the porch for a few minutes before cutting across the lawn to a neighbor's house. The door was soon opened by an older woman and Natalie saw John holding up the envelope. They spoke for a few seconds then John handed her the picture to which she started nodding at. He remained there for a few more minutes then made his way back to the car.

"What was that about?" Natalie asked once he was back inside.

John started up the car and glanced over at her with a smile. "You're not the only one who can act their way out of information. I told her I was a PI who had to serve him with court papers. She looked at the picture and confirmed it is Walter."

"So he faked his death."

"Yeah, looks that way." John said as he pulled away from the curb.

"Where is he now?"

"The woman said he mentioned something about having a business trip. He asked her to get his mail and said he would be back on Monday.

"So I guess we are stuck here for the next three days?"

John nodded. "Is that okay? I know you have things going on at home…"

Natalie smiled. "Actually, I am kind of relieved that we are going have to be here for a few days despite everything that's going on back at home and with the case. The idea of sitting on the beach and just being away from everything seems too good to be true."

Glancing over at her happy face, John was once again filled with feelings of love. The prospect of spending the next few days on the beach with her was very appealing. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He said as he continued to drive.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen **

The next three days flew by quickly as John and Natalie spent their time hanging out in Grand Cayman and lounging by the ocean. As neither of them were really "beach" people, they would head down to the private beach on the property for a quick swim, and then go into town for the day, and head back to the beach at night.

It was just nice to have the chance to relax.

There hadn't been any awkward moments and they chose to avoid any serious topics like their past or Cris and basically just enjoyed spending time together. One night over dinner they had decided that in order to lure Walter back to Llanview they would send him a threatening letter from Spencer. The plan was risky as they couldn't be 100 sure that Walter had staged his own death to escape Truman, but after talking about all the possible theories, that one seemed the most likely.

They had hit an internet café and typed up the letter in big, bold print. It read,

"_Walter my old friend, you were wrong in thinking you had escaped me and now that I know where you are there is nothing standing in my way. If you value that nice little life you have set up for yourself, you'll be on the 8pm flight to Llanview, PA on Monday. As you can see there is no postmark on this letter, which means I have my people watching you. Once you get to Llanview there will be a room at the Palace hotel waiting for you. I will see you there." _

They signed it Spencer and had dropped it off in his mailbox late Sunday night before returning back to the beach house. Early Monday morning, John got up before Natalie and drove back to Walters. He lurked outside in the car until he saw the other man pull in.

John noticed that in the twenty-years since the picture had been taken, Walter had drastically changed. Rather then the tall, scrawny, serious man in the picture, Walter was now balding, overweight and wore lots of gold jewelry. To sum it up he just looked like a sleazy old man.

It took all of John's self control not to just jump out of the car and attack the man he now knew had shot his father. But, luckily for Walter's sake John managed to control himself. Instead he took satisfaction in watching as Walter picked up the envelope that had the fake note from Spencer and read it. Using his binoculars, John saw how Walter's face went white and he looked nervously around.

Seeing how spooked he had look, John knew Walter would be on that flight.

Before going back to the beach house John stopped at a pay phone and called Bo. He explained the situation to a very shocked Bo and asked for his help. Knowing that this was the scum that had helped kidnap his niece, Bo promised he would call a meeting with both Hugh and the mayor. But Bo also explained that since they didn't have enough evidence for a warrant on the shooting, it would have to be made out for the kidnapping of Natalie.

After getting off the phone with Bo, John sat down on a beach and thought about it. Ever since they had found out Walter may still be alive, in John's mind it was just about him finding his fathers shooter. He hadn't actually stopped to think of Natalie and the Buchanan's. Once Bo had mentioned Natalie, John was finally struck by the realization of how this wasn't just about him anymore. It was also about the kidnapping of a helpless newborn.

One thing was for sure, it wasn't just going to be John who was gunning for Walter – the whole Buchanan family would be as well.

Getting up, John made his way back to the car and back to the beach house. By the time he got there it was nearly noon, and Natalie was sitting out on the beach. He forced himself not to stare as he realized she was back in her reveling black bikini.

"Where ya been?" She called out as wrapped a towel around her body and made her way up the beach and toward him.

"Went to make sure Walter got the letter."

"Did he?"

John nodded. "He was totally spooked. It looks like our theory was right and I have no doubt that he'll be on that plane. I also called Bo and explained the situation. I left Paige out of it through, figured it was something that needed to be done in person."

Natalie's face lit up in an evil-like smile. "I can't wait to see Walter's expression when he gets off that plane. Little does he know it's not just Spencer he needs to deal with, but you."

"And the Buchanan's," John said thinking about what he had realized earlier.

Natalie nodded. "Yeah, make sure you watch Asa like a hawk if he comes into the police station. It will be likely that there's a gun on him somewhere."

Knowing she was right, John groaned. "Just another thing I am going to need to worry about. You know, I've always wondered, how did they take finding out about you?"

Natalie laughed warily. "You really don't want to know."

John looked at her puzzled. "It couldn't have been that bad… I mean I see how much they all love you."

"I didn't make it easy." Seeing the curious expression on his face, she sighed. "I came to town, befriended Jess, got a job for mom and then walked into Asa's funeral – he had faked his death – wearing a bright red dress, and interrupted Jess's eulogy by claiming I was the real granddaughter."

Taking note of the completely shocked expression on Johns face, Natalie cringed. "I told you that you didn't want to know."

"You really did that?" John asked, amazed that actions like that had come from the woman that was now standing in front of him.

"I was pretty messed up back then. Luckily once they accepted me I started to change… became a much better person."

"I don't think you just became a better person, I think you've always been one." John said as he stepped closer to her and unconsciously pushed a stand of her hair behind her ear.

Having John this close to her caused Natalie to tense up. She had promised herself not to go down this road again. Smiling, she moved away from him. "I better go shower and get packed if we are leaving today."

Without another word she brushed past him and went back inside. Puzzled, John opted not to follow. Every time he got close Natalie just moved away and since he had decided to try and show her how much he cared about her, it was becoming a problem.

Knowing he had to do something about it, John followed her inside ready to confront her.

**Back in Llanview**

"I want the arrest warrant made out in the name of Walter Balsom – W-A-L-T-E-R B-A-L-S-O-M," Bo spelled out wanting to make sure there were no mistakes.

Hearing a knock on his door and seeing Paige, he motioned for her to enter the room. "Yes, that's right the charge is kidnapping an infant Natalie Buchanan. The plane he is supposed to be on arrives in tonight at 11:00pm, our team will be in place." Bo listened to the person on the other end and nodded. "Thank you mayor, I appreciate your cooperation on this."

Once Bo had hung up the phone he stood up from his desk and kissed Paige. "This is a surprise!" He remarked as he sat back down.

Paige smiled at him. "I had some time between patients and decided to drop by. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, is everything okay?"

Bo sighed. "Nothing I can't handle." Seeing his girlfriends confused expression Bo decided to fill her in on some of the details since they weren't actually a secret. "Natalie and John have been working on a case for the past few weeks and the name Walter Balsom kept popping up."

"As in Rex's father?"

"Yeah, and in the man that kidnapped Natalie."

"But he's dead right?" Paige said trying to force herself to look calm.

"That's what we thought. They got a lead on a place down in the Cayman Islands, and took a trip there. Turns out Walter faked his own death and has been down there ever since."

"What?" Paige gasped. '_This is bad, this is so bad,' _she thought to herself. "But why would he willingly come back to Llanview with them if he went to all that trouble to fake his own death?"

Knowing he had already said too much, Bo shrugged his shoulders. "I am not sure. But you don't want to hear about this, how was your day?"

"Good," Paige said with a forced smile. Knowing she had to get out of there, she feigned a look of surprise. "Oh no, there is a patient I am supposed to check on – I completely forgot." Standing up she grabbed her purse and gave Bo another kiss. "I'll call you later tonight."

Unfazed by her behavior, Bo just smiled with a nod. "Talk to you then."

The second she was out of Bo's office, Paige fumbled in her purse for her cell phone. Her hands shaking she dialed the number of the one person she dreaded most.

"Spencer? It's Paige – we have a big problem."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty **

It didn't take Natalie and John long to shower, change, pack up their things and make travel arrangements. Since the public plane to Llanview was leaving at 8, they decided to leave at 6:30, that way John could be part of the team that took Walter in.

Natalie had called the property caretaker and asked him if he wouldn't mind driving them to the airport so that they could leave the car there. He quickly agreed and told her he would be there by 3:30 to give them ample time for customs, security checks and other potential delays. Since it was nearly 3:00, Natalie took the time to busy herself with cleaning up the house as John looked on amused at how she was doing everything in her power to avoid getting close to him.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore. Getting up from the sofa, he walked over and took the sponge from her hands. "Natalie you scrubbed this counter a hundred times. It's clean."

Now close to him, Natalie started to back away but John gently took a hold of her arm. "Why do you keep avoiding me?"

"That's ridiculous; we've spent the past three days together. How could I be avoiding you?"

John inched closer. "That's not what I meant."

Natalie opened her mouth to argue but didn't have a chance to get a word out as John pulled her into a passionate kiss. Once it was broken, he smiled down at her. "Do you have any idea how many times I have wanted to do that this weekend?"

But to his surprise Natalie wasn't smiling, in fact she looked furious. Quickly she pushed him away and stalked to the other side of the room.

"What?" He asked completely confused as to where her anger was coming from.

Natalie whirled around to face him, her eyes flashing. "I'm not some sort of blow up doll John."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that for months you have pushed me away, acted like you couldn't stand the sight of me. Finally we start working on this case and the second I make a move you pull away, acting like the thought of making love to me is appalling. Now suddenly here you are kissing me? I'm not gong down this road again John. I'm not putting up with mixed signals and being pushed away one minute and kissed the next."

John suddenly found himself growing angry. "Your one to talk about mixed signals. The second Cris came back you told us both to stay out of your life, that you were moving on from both of us. But then suddenly you're doing anything possible to work with me on this case."

"I need the hours for the forensic tech program."

"Yeah, well I've got news for you Natalie, there are dozens of other officers you could have worked with. It didn't have to be me."

"I wanted to help you with this case."

"Despite how many times I told you I didn't need any help? Oh, but I guess making myself clear there was another mixed signal."

"Is it so bad that I wanted you to respect me? Wanted you to stop seeing me like some helpless little airhead that always needed to be saved?"

"I never saw you that way, but if that's how you saw yourself then there's no one to blame but you."

"This is what you always do John. Talk one way, but act another. _I don't want you Natalie_. But then you kiss me. _We shouldn't have sex Natalie_. Then you play with my hair. _I care about you Natalie_. But then keep my husband in jail. What the hell am I supposed to think when you suddenly kiss me out of the blue? I've been done this road enough times to be able to predict the outcome."

"I was always honest with you. From the start I told you I wasn't good with words and feelings. But you said that was okay, in fact you told me I didn't need to change for you. Here I thought you actually meant it."

"I did."

"Like hell you did. If you actually meant it you wouldn't be standing here going on about how I say one thing and mean something else. I have always been straight with you."

"No, you've always jerked me around." Natalie laughed bitterly. "I don't even know why I bother. From the second we met it was secrets and lies and that just continued all through our friendship and short lived relationship."

"That's not fair. We talked about Vegas; I explained that because of my job I was obligated…"

Natalie angrily rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, I know all about your fucking obligations. How when Haver was around you were _obligated_ to pull away from me, and when Cris went to jail you were _obligated_ to him. Tell me John was sleeping with Evangeline another one of your obligations?"

"That's not fair and you know it."

Suddenly Natalie exploded. "You're lecturing me on fair? For three years all you ever did was lie and push me away, and of course stupid me always came back for more. You want to know what's not fair John? The fact that you made me an adulterer. For four months you shared my bed knowing that my husband was sitting in Jail. You made me the laughingstock of Llanview. Poor Natalie had no idea her lover was letting her husband rot in jail."

"He was a murderer."

"That's beside the point. What would have happened if we had actually lasted? Had Evangeline not found that file? Would you have married me and turned me into a bigamist and let our children be illegitimate?" Natalie laughed bitterly. "Oh who am I kidding, like that would have ever happened. You actually have to care about someone to marry them."

"How can you even say that? You actually think I never cared about you? Despite three years of friendship? When we were together…"

"Let's face it John, we were never friends."

Her words were like a slap to the face, and John was just about to reply when there was a knock at the door and the caretaker popped his head in. "Ms. Buchanan, I am here to take you back to the airport." But noticing the obvious tension between the two, he took a step backward. "I'm sorry to interrupt; I'll wait in the car."

With one last look at John, Natalie picked up her bag and turned toward the man. "It's okay, we are done here anyway."

The car ride to the airport was spent in silence and the second they board the plane, Natalie grabbed a pillow and blanket and went to the far back of the cabin to sleep. John was grateful for the silence because as much as he hadn't shown it, her words had really hurt him.

But at the same time it was the first time ever that John was able to see what his actions had done to her. Natalie was right, no matter how many times he pushed her away, she always did forgive him. But to suddenly hear all the bottled anger from the past three years, was shocking. And John found himself wondering if they even had a chance anymore.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One **

When the plane landed back in Llanview, Natalie and John separately got off and headed to opposite sides of the airport. Natalie made a beeline for Bo to give him a quick hug, while John walked over to the team of officers that had been put in place. He waited until he saw Natalie walk off before heading over to Bo.

"What the hell is going on between you and Natalie now?" Was the first thing out of Bo's mouth as John appeared in front of him.

John just shrugged and started to go over the plan to arrest Walter. Once he was finished he knew he had to prepare Bo for the part about Paige and Spencer's involvement. Taking a deep breath he faced the older man. "Listen Bo, there's been some other people and things that have come up regarding this case that I'm going to need to talk to you about."

A look of concern came over Bo's face. "Okay, shoot."

John glanced around him and seeing how many other officers there were, shook his head. "This really something that should be done in your office. After Walter's been booked, can you hang around?"

Though confused, Bo nodded. Glancing around again, John realized that Natalie was no longer there. Trying to appear nonchalant, John turned his attention back to her uncle. "Isn't Natalie sticking around for this?"

"She was going to, but thought that it was better she went and explained the situation to Roxanne and Rex before one of them heard about it from someone else."

"Oh," John tried not to let his disappointment show and he focused on going over the game plan. Within the hour, everything was put into place and John and the team were just waiting for the plane to land. They didn't have to wait long as the flight arrived early.

Getting the news over comms, John and his team inched forward ready to swarm at Walter when they got the visual. Luckily for them, he was one of the first people off the plane and within seconds was surrounded.

"Walter Balsom you are under arrest for the kidnapping of Natalie Buchanan. Anything you say can and will be used against you…" John's voice rang out as he slapped the cuffs on his wrists.

"What? Get off me, this is ridiculous, I am not Walter Balsom." He cried out angrily, as John shoved him toward the exit.

But just being this close to the man that had shot his father had John's blood boiling, so he handed him over to Bo just to insure he didn't do something he would regret. Understanding John's reaction, Bo took a hold of Walters arm and began leading him toward the awaiting police car.

"Hey baby girl, it sounded serious on the phone. Ya finally here to make mama happy and tell her that you and Johnny Mac are all better?"

Natalie softly shook her head, hating was she was about to do. "Actually Roxy I'm here…"

"I got here as soon as I could, what's up Natty?" Rex interrupted as he came through the hotel doors and made his way over to them.

"I was just askin' her the same thing Rexy."

Natalie sighed and motioned over to the sitting area. "Let's take a seat guys."

"Oooooh, sounds big. Maybe she's back with Cris? I wouldn't object to that either cause then Johnny Mac is free for me." Roxy said to Rex as they followed Natalie and took a seat.

Rex however didn't crack a smile. Just seeing his sister's expression had him knowing whatever the news was, it wasn't good.

"What's going on Natalie?"

Taking a deep breath, Natalie fixed them with her most comforting expression. "As you both know, John and I have been working on his father's case. Well, one of our leads led us to a safety deposit box, which led us to the Cayman Islands."

"Is that were ya been honey? Come to see, you do have some color." Roxy's face lit up in delight. "Did you two do something crazy and get hitched?"

Once again Natalie sighed. "No Roxy, nothing like that."

Her mother face fell. "Then what's the big deal?"

"Walter's alive." Natalie blurted out, knowing she needed to just get it out there. "John and I found some recent passports with his picture and an address down there. We staked out the place and learned it was him. As we speak he's on his way to Llanview and John and Bo are waiting at the airport to arrest him."

Both her mother and brother just stared at her in combined expressions of shock and horror.

"He's alive?" Roxy repeated her voice now having an edge to it.

Natalie just nodded.

"Where is he now?" Rex asked his voice low.

"He should be at the police station."

Rex suddenly stood up and strode toward the door. "I have to see this bastard for myself."

"Rex, I don't think that's such a good idea…" Natalie tried as she also stood up hoping to stop him. But her words fell on deaf ears as Rex rushed from the hotel and toward his car.

Looking helplessly at Roxy, Natalie was torn. Should she stay with Roxy or take off after Rex? She made her decision quickly knowing how venerable Rex was when it came to her father. "I am going to go check on Rex, are you going to be okay Roxanne?"

Roxy just nodded, staring blankly in front of her

Natalie left quickly, hoping she could get to Rex before he got to Walter.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two **

Natalie arrived at the police station just as they were bringing Walter in. Wordlessly she went over and stood beside Rex, and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Together they stood quietly and watched as Bo led Walter through the reception area. John followed behind them, and Natalie briefly met his eyes. They stared at each other for a few seconds and it looked like John was about to head toward her, but the moment was broken when Walter suddenly stopped and glanced at Rex, his face breaking out into a smile.

"Walter my boy… it's nice of you to come see your old man."

"Don't call me that." Rex snapped.

"Go be a good son and get your father a lawyer."

"Go to hell," Rex shot back, his eyes flashing.

Walter's eyes narrowed. "Show your father some respect you little pretty boy."

"Don't you dare speak to him like that," Natalie yelled as she took a step forward and stood in front of Rex like a shield.

Walter just laughed. "I see nothings changed. You're no more of a man then you were at two. Still cowering behind that piece of trash you call your sister."

For Bo, John and all the other people watching it was suddenly clear just how protective Natalie was of her brother. Before anyone realized what was happening Natalie had launched herself at Walter and started punching and kicking him, her red hair a tangled mess around her.

As Bo and another officer pulled her off of him, she continued to yell. "Don't you dare talk to him about being a man Walter because Rex is more of a man then you could even imagine being." Natalie's eyes narrowed dangerously no longer caring who was around. "Real men don't kidnap newborn babies for the hell of it. Real men don't beat their wife so badly that she ends up in the hospital. Real men don't slap around a five year old because their jealous she's getting their sons attention. Real men don't fake their death because their scared. I swear to God you say one more word about my brother and I'll you myself."

Despite the blood that was now streaming from his nose, Walter rolled his eyes. "You're still nothing but the unruly brat you were at five." He looked over at Rex, a small smile playing on his lips. "When are you going to face it son, she's not your sister. Never has been, never will be and the sooner you realize it the sooner you can start standing up for yourself."

Natalie began to squirm in Bo's arms ready to attack again but he held on tight. Rex however stepped forward. "Shut the fuck up you bastard. Natalie's more my sister then you will ever be my father."

This time it was Walter's eyes that narrowed. "You two disgust me. At twenty-five your still letting this bitch fight your battles, and you, you're still the piece of trash I brought home. I should have gotten rid of you both when I had a chance."

"Don't you dare talk to my kids like that." Roxy's shrieked from across the room before storming past the officers and kneeing Walter in the groin. "Don't you ever speak to my kids like that again you lying, cheating, coward." Another officer stepped forward and took a hold of Roxy.

"Who are you kidding; you were never a mother to those kids - always too drunk to care about them." Walter choked out in between the groans from Roxy's knee.

Natalie once again tried to free herself from her uncle's grasp. "Leave Roxy alone Walter, or so help me God…"

Realizing how ugly this could get, Bo shouted at Officer Matthews to book Walter. As he was escorted out of the room by Matthews and John, Roxy continued to yell after him, probably calling him every name in the book. Once he was safety out of the room, Bo released Natalie who went directly over to Rex and put her arm around him. Roxy went over to them and the three of them spoke for a few minutes, before Roxy went over to Bo.

"I don't want that jerk to ever see the light of day again, Commish."

"I don't either, but in order for that to happen I am going to need your help in answering some questions."

She nodded. "I'll tell you everything I know."

Putting his arm on her back, Bo led her toward his office and past Natalie and Rex.

Seeing how upset her brother looked, Natalie knew she needed to do something. Taking his hand she pulled him into John's office, knowing it would be empty since he had escorted Walter down to booking.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly taking a seat beside him on John's small couch.

"Oh yeah Nat, I'm doing real good. Dear old dad is back from the dead, and still every bit the ass he ever was."

"Rex, you can't listen to what he says…"

"Oh can't I?" Rex said looking away from her. "He's my father isn't he? His blood runs though me doesn't it?"

"That doesn't mean anything."

Suddenly Rex's eyes began to tear up. "What if I am like him Natty? How can you even look at me knowing it was my father who kept you from your family? And John… how can I even look at him knowing what my father took from him?"

"Rex your nothing like Walter, and you aren't to blame for his actions.

"The sins of thy father…" Rex snapped as he angrily wiped at his tears.

"That's bullshit and you know it.

"I'm his son."

"And Uncle Bo is Asa's son… does that mean he's anything like him? Or responsible for the stupid things he does? No. Adrianna is the daughter of Dorian… does that mean she's anything like her mother? No. The fact that he is your father means nothing Rex. You are nothing like him."

But that wasn't the thing that had gotten to Rex, and suddenly he just blurted it out. "Who am I kidding Natty, he's right. I'm not your brother."

Seeing how devastated Rex looked, tears began to form in Natalie's eyes. "Hey, don't you dare say that. You are my brother in every way that counts."

"Not the main way."

A look of determination came over her face and she fixed him with a hard stare. "What is my favorite color?"

Rex looked at her puzzled before answering. "Blue."

"And my favorite number?"

"Eight."

"How do I take my coffee?"

"Natty this is beside the point…"

"How do I take it?"

"Black."

"And what's my biggest fear?"

"Airplanes… but what does this prove? That I know you… big freaking deal."

"No it proves you're my brother. Do you honestly think Kevin, Joey or even Jessica would know the answers to those questions? Or that I would know the answers for them? But you know mine, just like I know your answers are green, thirteen, with cream, and spiders."

"But..."

"Who is there for me no matter what? Who helps me with any stupid scheme I come up with? Who lets me cry on their shoulder when that plan fails? Who lets me be myself? Who drops everything and runs to me when I need them? Again, its not Kevin, Joey or Jessica. It's you Rex, it's always been you. Biologically fine, your not my brother, but you are more my sibling then any of the Buchanan's."

Seeing how sad still looked, Natalie leaned over and took him in her arms and hugged him like she used to do as a child. "Want to know something else?" she whispered softly in his ear.

"What?"

"I'm always going to love you more then any of them too."

Reassured by what Natalie was saying, Rex hugged her back knowing that no matter what happened his sister would always be there for him.

Ashamed that he had let his father upset him this much, Rex silently cursed him, hoping that he would just go to hell.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three **

After returning from booking Walter, John made his way back upstairs toward his office. It was nearing 9:00pm, and too late to be interrogating him.

As much as John hated it, the questions about his father's death would have to wait until tomorrow.

"John, you mentioned needing to talk to me about something?" Bo's voice broke John out of his thoughts.

Knowing it was now or never, John nodded. At that moment Natalie and Rex made their way out of his office. Giving her brother one final hug, she whispered "I love you Rex." John took note of the younger mans puffy, red eyes and the way he was holding on to Natalie. Finally he broke away, "I love you too Natty."

Without another word he turned and left the police station, leaving a worried Natalie behind. "How's he doing?" Bo asked his niece, having grown a soft spot for Rex.

Natalie sighed, and for the first time John realized her eyes were also red-rimmed. "I don't know Uncle Bo, he's taking this pretty bad. Seems to think all the Buchanan's and McBain's are going to hate him for this."

"That's ridiculous he isn't to blame for Walters actions."

"I know… the trouble is just getting him to believe it."

Bo paused for a second, and made a metal note to track down Rex later that night. "John said there was something else you found, something you guys needed to talk to me about. Are you going to come into my office for this too Natalie?"

Natalie suddenly stiffened. "Well Lieutenant McBain is primary on this investigation so I suppose that's his decision."

Deciding that two could play at this game John's face went blank. "Since Ms. Buchanan here was part of the reason we secured this information, it seems only fair she's in the room."

Bo rolled his eyes. "I want you both in my office now."

Without waiting for a response, he stormed toward his office leaving Natalie and John with no other option then to follow. Once they were both seated across from him, Bo fixed them both with a look that clearly showed he was in no way amused.

"For three years I have witnessed the two of you pulling the same ridiculous crap. Being mad and ignoring each other one minute then playing pool the next, acting all formal and snappy one day, and then making out in the hallway the next. Not once have I ever said anything about it, it was never my business and to be completely honest, it amused me. But the second it starts to come into this station, it becomes my business."

Feeling like teenagers in the principal's office, Natalie and John just remained silent.

"Now, this is the last time I ask you before I refuse to ever let the two of you work together again. Is there a problem here?"

"No." John answered.

"Not on my end," Natalie replied with her arms crossed defiantly over her chest.

"Good. Now that that's settled, will one of you fill me in?"

John sat forward in his chair and started to speak. "Natalie and I went down to Grand Cayman with the assumption that Spencer Truman is the reason that Walter faked his own death."

"Truman?" Bo's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What does Truman have to do with this?"

"Natalie and I visited Allison Perkins in jail last week and she admitted to blackmailing my father. She had told him that Walter had kidnapped a child, and that he would kill her if he launched a formal investigation."

"So your dad kept it off the books?" Bo finished.

John nodded. "Yes, and Allison got nearly fifty thousand dollars."

"I am assuming that child was you?" Bo asked turning to Natalie.

"Yeah."

"Okay, so what does this have to do with Spencer?"

Since she was the one that had talked to Allison, Natalie decided to take it from there. "Allison admitted that the reason she started blackmailing Thomas McBain was because she was mad at Walter. Apparently he started working with two other doctors at Trenton General and got into the business of selling drugs, organs and babies over the black market."

"And Truman was involved?"

"Well that was the assumption." Jon began. "And it was actually confirmed by Walter. We were able to get him back here by sending him a threatening letter which we signed from Spencer. Basically the letter told him that Spencer now knew he faked his death and better be in Llanview A.S.A.P."

Bo took a deep breath trying not to lose it on them. "Do you realize how risky that was? You could have put the department at risk for a lawsuit from Truman."

John shrugged. "No one besides the people in this office knows it was us who sent the letter."

"Besides Uncle Bo, the assumption paid off and we got him here." Natalie chimed in sticking up for their actions.

Bo just sighed, deciding to leave that issue alone for now. "Okay, so we know Truman was involved. Do we know how? Or what his motivation in all this was. Everything I have heard about the guy has been bad, especially from Pa."

Seeing the guilty look that came over Natalie's face, Bo focused directly on her. "You know something."

She just remained silent.

"Natalie, did you speak to your grandfather?"

"Yes."

"Did he tell you what Spencer has against the family?"

"Yes."

"Well then what is it?" Bo said exasperated at the production that was being made out of it.

"I can't tell you." Natalie said with her arms still crossed.

"What?"

Natalie shook her head. "I'm sorry Uncle Bo, but I promised Grandpa I wouldn't. You'll have to talk to him."

"If this information relates to this case then you have to tell me." Bo tried not to get angry with his niece.

But she beat him too it as her eyes began to flash. "First off, I am not an officer under your command. All I am to this department is the receptionist, and am not bound by any legal authority to tell you what was told to me. Secondly, what grandpa told me has nothing to do with the case at this time, it just adds to the overall character and motivation of Spencer."

Bo looked over at John. "Do you know what this information is?"

John used his best poker face and shook his head. "Nope."

Bo studied the two of them for a second before bursting into laughter. "You two are something else. First you come in here all pissed off with one another, and now you're working together to protect Asa. This is just great."

Natalie sighed. "We are not protecting Asa. I gave him my word I wouldn't say anything, if you want to find out what it is, then you go talk to him."

Seeing that he was going to get no where with this either, Bo once again went back to the basics. "Okay then, aside from Asa what made you two suspect Spencer was involved?"

Natalie and John glanced at one another for a second, both unsure what to say. Finally John spoke up.

"We decided to try and find out who the drunk Doctor that operated on my father was. Because of the new information about the black market thing, we thought that the fact the doctor was drunk and no one noticed was too strange. So we sent Rex in to get the information."

Bo nodded. "Makes sense that this doctor could have been part of the plan. So what did you find out? Was it Spencer?"

Once again they shared a look, but this time Natalie took the lead. Fixing her uncle with a sympathetic look, she took a deep breath. "It was Paige."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four **

"Paige?" Bo repeated wondering if he had heard her wrong.

Natalie nodded. "I'm sorry Uncle Bo…."

"There has to be some sort of mistake…."

"There's not." John said, "She was the doctor that operated that night."

But Bo was unable to be objective, and quickly replied, "That doesn't mean she was involved."

"No it doesn't, but it's very likely that she could have been Uncle Bo," Natalie said as gently as she could.

Bo remained silent for a few minutes and just let everything absorb. Finally he spoke. "I'll bring here into the station for questioning in the morning, after you question Walter. But John, I want you operating under the idea of innocent until proven guilty."

"Fine, but…" John was just about to speak when Officer Matthews burst into the room out of breath and wide eyed.

"Commissioner, Lieutenant - Walter Balsom just collapsed and is not breathing."

"What?" Bo barked angrily as she stood up from his desk.

The officer nodded. "The guard on duty down there just radioed up and told me to call the paramedics."

"Have you?"

"Yes, sir."

"I have to get down there," Bo said as he rushed from the office, Natalie and John both behind him.

When they arrived in the basement where the cells where, they found the guard leaning over Walter performing CPR. Seeing Bo, the man stopped and shook his head.

Bo was just about to lose it and start demanding answers, when the paramedics rushed in and went over to the body. They spent nearly 10 minutes trying to revive him, before they looked over at Bo and also shook their heads.

"He's gone. Time of Death 9:32pm."

John felt numb. On one hand he was happy that the bastard that had shot his father was dead, but at the same time knew he would never have to pay for what he had done.

One of the paramedics made his way over to them, as the other two lifted Walter's body onto a gurney and covered his body with a sheet.

"What happened here Commissioner?"

Bo motioned for the guard to come over to them. "Phillips, what happened?"

The guard nervously shrugged. "I have no idea. I was standing at my post when I heard a thud. I ran over to the cell and he was just laying there."

The paramedic sighed. "It could have been a stroke, or a heart attack. There will have to be an autopsy and that should tell us more."

Bo nodded. "I am going to make a few calls to the M.E's office, make sure this gets top priority."

Bo turned away and made his way back up toward his office. Once he was out of earshot, and the paramedic had moved away from them, Natalie turned toward John with wide eyes. "There's no way this was an accident." She said, temporarily forgetting their earlier fight.

"I know." John tuned back toward the guard. "Philips, was there anyone else down here?"

The guard thought about it for a minute before nodding. "Yes Lieutenant, there was. One of the food suppliers came down with a tray for Balsom."

"They served him food at 9pm?"

The guard nodded. "He said that it was on the Commissioners orders as the prisoner hadn't eaten on the plane. I thought it was a little bit strange, so I check the man's ID."

"And?"

"Everything was in order, sir."

"Do you remember the name?"

Officer Philips nodded. "Yes sir, Tom Jackson."

Turning back to Natalie, John's eyes narrowed. "Someone got to him."

Spencer Truman leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smile on his face. Everything had been taken care of.

When Paige had called him earlier in a panic over Walter Balsom being on his way to Llanview, Spencer had been worried. Balsom was the only person who Spencer didn't control, and if he started talking it would be all over.

There was no way he was about to let that happen.

Getting a fake ID badge was easy enough so he had slipped in a lethal, heart stopping drug into some food and paid some junkie off to deliver it.

Now his only worry was Paige.

Up until now she had been doing everything he said, but if Bo and John found out about her connection to everything, she may start talking. And there was no way he was letting that happen.

He had worked too hard for everything already.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five **

John ended up spending the night at the station as he wanted to be the first with the autopsy reports. After figuring out that Walter must have been poisoned, John had called the ME back and told her to do the absolute most extensive exam possible.

He awoke early and immediately called the food preparation service that the jail used to check on if anyone had delivered last night. The owner said no, none of his guys were out and that he had never employed anyone by the name of Tom Jackson. John however, did request that him and all the employees come down to the station for a line up, just to be sure.

John knew it wasn't likely anything would come from it, but he had to try.

It was nearing 8am when the autopsy results finally arrived. John quickly opened them up and scanned down to the cause of death, which read death by poisoning.

In her notes she stated that had she not been told what to look for the poison probably would have gone undetected as it was an unusual one that was hard to trace. Having a gut feeling that Spencer was behind this, John all but stormed into Bo's office and slammed the door.

Throwing the results down on his desk, John fixed Bo with a serious look. "We have to bring Paige in for questioning Bo."

Bo looked over the report and then pushed it away. "Do we know how he was poisoned?"

Annoyed that Bo was drawing this out, John raked his fingers roughly through his hair. "Someone impersonated a meal service employee and delivered him the food. Who else knew we had him? There was us and the other officers, Natalie, Roxy and Rex – who found out about this?"

Bo let out the breath he had been holding, and his shoulders sagged. "Paige was in here when I made the call for the warrant."

"She overheard?"

Bo nodded. Hating what he was about to do, Bo sighed. "Go send an officer to bring her in."

"What is going on? Why am I here?" Paige yelled angrily as the officer escorted her into the station. Seeing Bo, she broke free from the officers grasp and went over to him. "Bo, what is this about?"

Bo looked at her blankly then turned his attention back to his officer. "Please escort Ms. Miller into the interrogation room."

Ignoring her protests, the officer did so and John made his way over. "Do you want to be in there?"

Bo nodded. "I have to hear this."

Understanding his need, John didn't argue and began to head toward the interrogation room when he saw Natalie enter the station. "We are questioning Paige," he said, knowing that she would also want to be there.

Nodding, Natalie set down her purse and joined John and her uncle as they walked toward the room. The second they opened the door, they were faced with an angry Paige.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"Why don't you tell us," John said as he took a seat on one of the chairs. Both Natalie and Bo did the same. Left standing, Paige looked at them confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Just sit down Paige," Bo snapped.

Surprised at his tone, she did so and faced the three of them. "Well?"

"How about you start by telling us how you managed to get your medical license back after you killed my father."

All the color drained out of Paige's face and she took a shaky breath. "What are you talking about?" Her voice wavering.

But John wasn't falling for it. "You heard me. A settlement was reached with the stipulation that the doctor would lose their license. How is it you are back practicing medicine in Llanview?"

Knowing she had been found out, Paige looked down at the table. "I was expelled under the name Paige Truman, I re-filled under Paige Miller. No one ever checked. But that case has been settled, you have no right to question me about it."

"Oh that's not why you're here," John's voice was dangerously cold. "You're here because we believe you were part of the black market deals Walter Balsom and Spencer had going."

"What? No. I had nothing to do with that."

"Then why be part of the cover up to kill him?" John snapped.

"He made me do it," Paige said with a shaky voice. "I was off-duty that night, and had been out for drinks with friends. Spencer called me in and told me it was an emergency. I refused because I knew I was drunk, but he threatened to kill me if I didn't."

"So instead of going to the police, you went and operated on my father?"

"You don't understand." She cried. "Spencer is a very powerful man; no one could have protected me from him, not even the police. Bo, you have to help me, if he finds out what I have told you, he will kill me."

"You haven't told us anything yet." Bo remarked dryly.

"I will tell you everything, just as long as you protect me from him."

"If what you tell us is useful enough then we might be able to arrange something. What about the black market sales?" Bo asked.

"I didn't find out about them until later. When Spencer and I started at the hospital, he and Walter became friends. As far as I knew, that was where it ended. The night of your fathers shooting, Spencer called me and told me to get into surgery now. As I said, he threatened me, so I did it. Spencer obviously knew I would screw up, and he was right. It wasn't until later that night that he told me what was going on."

"And that was?"

Paige took another shaky breath. "That he and Walter were selling things over the black market. He didn't go into specifics, but I wasn't stupid. He told me that some nurse had told Thomas McBain about the sales and Natalie, and that he was on to them. Spencer said they had to take care of it before it got worse."

"Wait, you knew about Natalie?" Bo asked angrily.

Paige once again looked away. "I found out that night that she had been kidnapped from the Buchanan's."

"And yet you did nothing?"

"Spencer told me what horrible people they were, and after what Asa did to his mother I understood why he didn't want his niece growing up there."

"Niece?" Bo all but shouted. Turning to Natalie his eyes narrowed, "What the hell is she talking about?"

Ignoring her uncle, Natalie turned to Paige. "And you didn't stop to think maybe he was wrong? That maybe his mother was the instigator in the whole thing?"

"I hardly call being raped instigating Natalie," Paige remarked dryly.

"Asa raped his mother?" A confused Bo interjected.

Knowing she had no choice but to tell Bo the story, Natalie sighed. "No. Spencer's mother worked for Asa in Texas and they slept together once. Wanting to make some quick money, she had him charged with rape, but then told him that if he paid her a hundred thousand dollars she would drop the charges."

"But Pa wouldn't hear of it would he?"

Natalie shook her head. "The charges were dropped, but he made her life a living hell. She ended up in prison for drug possession."

"Where is she now?"

"She killed herself in prison."

Suddenly the niece comment clicked into place. "Pa is Spencer's father…."

"It looks that way… Grandpa only figured it out when I pointed out how old Spencer was."

Completely shocked, Bo leaned back in his chair and just absorbed everything he had learned. Luckily, Paige spoke up. "That's how it happened?"

Natalie nodded. "Yeah, the only thing Asa was at fault for was getting revenge. He never raped her."

"Oh god, Natalie if I had known I would have done something."

Knowing they needed to get back to basics, John stepped in. "So Spencer knew Natalie was a Buchanan?"

"Yes. He was really attached to her at one point. Saw them as the two lucky ones who were able to get away from the Buchanan's. He used to buy her things, and bring her to our house before Rex was born."

"So which one of them shot my father?"

Paige shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Neither of them were on duty that night, which is why Spencer called me. I made a habit of coming in off-shift and it wouldn't draw any attention to him."

"Why in the hell didn't you come to us before now and tell us this?" Bo asked.

Once again Paige looked away. "Spencer has been blackmailing us to keep quiet."

"Us?"

"David was involved in the black market sales. He used to be the go between so that Spencer and Walter were kept out of it. He was only thirteen at the time, and Spencer was his legal guardian."

"Whoa, back up. If Spencer's mother died in prison how is David his younger brother?"

"Spencer was raised by his grandmother up until he was 10, then he went into Foster care once she died. David was one of his foster brothers, and when Spencer graduated medical school he took David out of foster care and brought him to live with us. Ever since he found us here, Spencer has been threatening to expose our parts in everything and have us arrested."

"Wouldn't he be exposing himself in the process?"

"No, Spencer has stuff on David and I, but we have nothing on him. It would be our word against his."

Suddenly Bo just erupted. "We have been dating for over a year and you never thought to tell me this? Never thought to ask me for help?"

Paige sighed. "Bo I'm sorry," she tried to put a hand on his arm, but he just shrugged it off. "I was scared."

"Tell us right now why the hell we shouldn't lock you up for your part in all this?"

"I'll agree to testify against him, and give you some more information that will help you get him."

"What information?" John asked warily.

"Margaret Cochran is alive."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six **

A few hours after they had finished interrogating Paige, Natalie sat at her desk deep in thought. Paige had explained how Spencer had helped Margaret had fake her death in order to frame Todd. Bo had spoken to Hugh and managed to get him to agree to grant immunity to both Paige and David in return for their help and testimony to nail Spencer.

Paige had also admitted to tipping Spencer off about Walter, but Bo believed her when she assured them she had no idea that Spencer was going to do. They were all pretty much in agreement that Spencer was the one that had poisoned Walter.

They had sent Paige back to the hospital and told her to act like nothing had happened. As she was leaving, Paige actually had the nerve to ask Bo for another chance. Natalie had found herself biting back a laugh as her uncle told his now ex-girlfriend in no uncertain terms where she could go.

The only problem now was nailing Spencer. Both Bo and John knew they had to go about this the right way in order to do so. The first step was finding Margaret as until they did, they only had circumstantial evidence and not enough to arrest Spencer.

That bothered Natalie as finding Margaret could take weeks or months.

Remembering that Paige had said both Walter and Spencer were off that night, she suddenly had an idea.

Maybe there was something she could do.

Coming out of Bo's office, John looked over at Natalie's desk but was surprised to see it empty. "Hey Ryan's, you seen Natalie around?" John called over to the nearest officer.

The officer nodded. "I saw her go into Dr. Crosby's office about ten minutes ago."

"_Dr. Crosby?"_ John thought to himself, confused why Natalie would be there. But within seconds it dawned on him, "Damn it," he muttered under this breath.

Natalie was going to be hypnotized.

He made it to Dr. Crosby's in seconds, and without knocking just burst right in. Natalie's back was toward him and he could hear her counting backward.

Dr. Crosby looked up in annoyance. "Good Natalie, I will be right back, just stay there."

Standing up, the Doctor walked over to John and roughly pulled him into the hall. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" John erupted once the door was closed.

Dr. Crosby just shook his head. "John, Natalie is an adult who is fully capable of making her own decisions. If she wants to undergo hypnosis, then that's her decision. I don't need to ask you for your consent."

"But her family history…"

"Natalie and I discussed that. It is highly unlikely that she suffers from DID or that this memory will cause an onset of it." Seeing John's panicked expression, Dr. Crosby sighed. "You can come in and watch the session, but if you make one sound or interfere in any way, you're out."

Nodding, John followed the doctor back into the office and took a seat behind Natalie.

"Okay Natalie, I am back." Dr. Crosby said as he re-took his seat. "Now before we get started I need you to think back to the happiest moment of your life. We will use this to calm you down in case the memory agitates you in anyway. Do you understand?"

"Yes." A hypnotic Natalie replied.

"Good. Are you thinking of that memory?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"On the roof of the hotel."

"Why is this memory so special?"

"John is there. I just got out of the hospital and he planned a romantic surprise for me."

Though shocked, John forced himself not to react. When Dr. Crosby had posed the question, John had assumed her first response would be her wedding day. He had no idea her happiest moment involved him.

"Good. Now Natalie, I want you to think back to the worst day of your life."

Knowing that there were so many to choose from, John inched forward in her seat interested in her response. "Noooooo… Don't take him. Don't take him away from me…" she began to cry.

"Don't take who?" Dr. Crosby pressed.

"Rex. They are taking him away from me. Don't let them do it, I need him."

"Natalie, it's just a memory. I want you to go back to being on the roof with John." Natalie's cries suddenly stopped and she was smiling.

"Good. Now, I need you to go back a little bit further." Pulling out the paper where he had written down everything Natalie had told him, Dr. Crosby continued. "You are five years old, and it's Christmas Eve. Maybe you had asked Santa for something special?"

"Santa never came to our house."

Feeling a hint of rage that was bubbling up over terrible Natalie's childhood, John pushed it away.

"You are wearing a pink dress with sequins that you hate. It's dark, and you are in an alley." Dr. Crosby continued, seeing for himself how angry the answer had made John.

Natalie clamped her eyes tighter and thought hard. Finally she nodded. "I see it. Walter brought me there at night. It was cold and I didn't have my jacket on."

"What happened?"

"Walter made me get out of the car, but I started to cry because it was cold."

"And then?"

"He made me walk into the alley with him, but then he left me there. It was dark and there were rats running by. I was scared." Natalie's breath hitched.

"And?" Dr. Crosby pushed gently.

"I heard footsteps coming toward me. Then I saw him."

"Walter?"

Natalie shook her head. "No, it was a man."

"Did you recognize him?"

"No. But he came over to me and I backed myself into the corner. I was scared and shivering. But then he took off his coat and put it on me."

_Flashback _

_Thomas McBain crouched down so he was at eye level with the trembling child. "My name is Thomas McBain, I am a police officer. Do you know what that is?"_

_Natalie nodded, but pushed herself tighter against the wall. Still gripping the coat tight around her. _

"_What's your name?"_

"_Na…Natalie…" she stammered. _

"_That's a pretty name." Thomas leaned over and gently pushed a strand of red hair from her face. "Is your mommy or daddy here?"_

_Natalie shook her head, once again looking terrified. _

"_I want to help you Natalie. Will you let me help you?"_

"_How?" She asked softly. _

"_I will take you some place safe, away from here and anyone that is hurting you."_

_Natalie just remained silent and studied the man in front of her. _

_Seeing how upset the young girl was, he started to talk. "Do you go to school?"_

_Once again, she just nodded. _

"_Do you like it?"_

"_No…" Natalie whispered. _

_Thomas laughed. "I have two little boys that say the exact same thing when I ask them that."_

"_You do?"_

_Thomas nodded. "Yup. John is eleven and Mikey is seven."_

"_I have a brother." Natalie relaxed a little bit. "His name is Rex and he is two."_

"_I am sure you are a great big sister."_

_Natalie nodded with a small smile. "I love Rexy."_

"_Natalie, will you let me help you? Will you come with me?" Thomas asked as he outstretched his hand toward her. _

"_What about Rexy? Can he come too?"_

_Thomas nodded. _

_Natalie studied his face for a second before quickly nodding. "Okay," she said put her hand in his and let the older man pull her to her feet. _

_He was just about to lead her over to his police car when Walter stepped out of the shadows. "Stop right there McBain," Walter said coolly. _

_Thomas dropped Natalie's hand and stepped in front of her. "I know everything Walter – about Natalie, the black market sales… It's all over."_

"_That's what you think," Another voice rang out as Spencer stepped out of the other side holding a gun. "It's not over for us; it's over for you McBain."_

_Thomas began to reach for his gun, but stopped when Spencer aimed the gun at a terrified Natalie. "You reach for that gun and the child is shot."_

"_Spencer this wasn't part of the plan…" Walter said nervously, seeing how serious the other man looked. But Spencer ignored him. _

_Thomas lifted his hand and once again moved in front of Natalie. "Leave her out of this."_

_Spencer just laughed. "You cops need to stop poking you head in where it doesn't belong." Without warning, Spencer pulled the trigged and within seconds Thomas McBain had fallen to the ground, a pool of blood spreading around him._

_End Flashback_

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo." Natalie screamed.

The sound of Natalie's screams had both John and Dr. Crosby jumping. She had just finished walking them through her memory. Hearing about the way his father had been shot was a horrible experience, but seeing Natalie reacting in this way made John's blood run cold.

"It's okay…" Dr. Crosby began, but Natalie was becoming hysterical.

"Noooooooo…. Spencer shot him. He is falling. He is in front of me. Oh god, there's so much blood. It's on me now. Noooooooo….. The nice man is on the ground. Spencer and Walter are arguing, they aren't looking at me, but he is. His eyes are closing, and the blood is there. He is shaking. He must me cold. So cold. I take his jacket and put it on him like a blanket. He reaches for my hand, he grabs it. I am sorry police man, so sorry. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. They trapped him; they used me to trap him. Why didn't I warn him? So much blood. Blood on my dress, my hands my hair… oh god, I killed him." Her voice was shaky and childlike.

Seeing that Natalie was reliving the experience and suffering a five year olds hysterical reaction, Dr. Crosby broke in. "Natalie, it's okay. It is just a memory."

"The blood…."

"Natalie, think back to the roof, being with John."

This time however, the happy memory didn't work. "John is going to hate me. It was all my fault."

Knowing he had to bring her out of this now, Dr. Crosby moved closer toward her. "Natalie, I am going to count back…"

"Nooooooooooooo…. Stop it, Stop it. Don't touch me Spencer. You hurt him. Stop it. Nooooo…" Without warning, Natalie suddenly passed out.

Getting up from his seat, John rushed over to her. "What the hell happened? You said this was safe," he yelled as he grabbed Natalie's arm and checked her for a pulse. "Natalie…. Natalie… can you hear me?" John said desperately.

But Dr. Crosby pulled him back. "We have to get her to a hospital and sedate her. If she wakes back up this hysterical, I may never be able to bring her back."

"Sedate her? What?"

"We have to get her to the hospital." Dr. Crosby snapped.

Leaning over, John lifted an unconscious Natalie into his arms and followed the doctor.

Once again, Natalie had endangered herself for him, and that realization made John sick.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven **

The first thing John saw when he rushed into the ER behind Dr. Crosby was his brother. Michael was standing by the nurse's station, but his head shot up when he saw John carrying Natalie.

"What happened? Is Natalie hurt?" Michael yelled out as he ran over.

But before John could answer, Dr. Crosby stepped forward and starting yelling out a slew of medical terms. Though confused, Michael and a team of nurses helped place Natalie's body on a nearby bed, and whisked her toward an ER room.

Once Natalie was gone and Dr. Crosby went to consult with Dr. Jamison, John anxiously paced the waiting room until Michael came out ten minutes later looking very confused.

"How is she?"

"We gave her the sedative that Dr. Crosby asked for, she's still out. It appears that she passed out, a stress based anxiety attack. What the hell was that about John? Why is Natalie unconscious and being sedated?" Michael asked worriedly.

John cautiously looked around before pulling his brother into the closest exam room. Making sure the door was tightly shut and the curtains drawn, he faced his brother with a serious look. "What I tell you stays in this room Mike. You can't mention this to anyone, not Mom, not Marcie, no one."

Nodding, Michael took a seat in one of the chairs and looked at John.

John also took a seat and just went right to it, "Natalie witnessed dad's shooting."

"What?" gasped Michael, his eyes widening. "How is that possible?"

John sighed and proceeded to fill Michael in on everything. He started at the beginning and explained about Walter being alive, then being poisoned, and ended with Paige and Spencer's involvement."

At first Michael had been incredulous, unable to believe that the two doctors he admired so much were capable of those actions, but at the same time he knew his brother. No matter what John always looked out for him and had always told him the truth, so Michael knew what he was hearing wasn't a lie.

"Can't you arrest them?" Michael said with a hint of anger to his voice. "How can they get away with this?"

John sighed. "We are doing everything we can, but we need more evidence. Mikey, you can't let on you know until we have enough."

"What about Natalie? She recovered those memories, won't that be enough?"

"If she recovers it will be." Seeing Michael's blank expression, John knew he had to fill Michael in on what had happened during the hypnosis session. "Rather then just remember the experience during hypnosis, Natalie actually re-lived it."

"It was that bad?" Michael asked, knowing from his training that it was rare for that to occur during hypnosis.

John nodded, "yeah it was. Truman and Walter used Natalie as bait that night. They knew dad was on to then, so they put her in the alley and waiting for him. God Michael, you should have heard her screams." John choked out as he began pacing the room. "Why does Natalie keep doing this? She's constantly putting herself in jeopardy for me?"

"Because she wants to help you…" Michael said softly.

"But why can't she see that if I lose her, it will destroy me? Dad, Caitlyn – I could handle those, but Natalie? I love her too much that if I lose her, it will destroy me."

Though shocked that his brother that finally admitted he loved Natalie, Michael decided not to press on it. "She won't know until you tell her John."

John sighed. "I tried. In Grand Cayman, but we got in a fight. She says it's too late for us."

Michael stood up and went to stand beside his brother. "John, you have to fight for her. Make her see that it's not too late."

Dr. Crosby was sitting at Natalie's bedside when she finally regained consciousness. Knowing he needed to act fast and get her out of the hypnotic state, he went to work.

"Natalie, it's Dr. Crosby. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Good. I need you to count backward from 10. When you reach one I will snap my fingers and you will be brought out of hypnosis and remember everything that has occurred. Do you understand this?"

"Yes."

"Count please."

Within seconds Natalie was sitting up, fully alert. "Where am I?" she asked, still groggy from the sedative.

"You're in the hospital; you passed out during our session."

Suddenly the memories of that night in the alley came flooding back. "Oh god…" she moaned. "I was there, I watched him die."

"Natalie, you can't lie here and dwell on those memories. You need to push them away and move on..."

"That's easy for you to say. You aren't the one that has to live with themselves for being part of the trap," she said bitterly.

"You aren't to blame."

Natalie just rolled over and stared at the wall. Knowing there wasn't much more he could do, Dr Crosby pulled out his prescription pad and began to scribble on it. "I am prescribing you some Lorazepam Natalie. It's an anti-anxiety drug. I want you to take one when you get home and just sleep."

"Will you tell John what happened for me?" Natalie asked softly, not sure if she could face him.

Dr. Crosby sighed. "He already knows Natalie; he was in the room the whole time."

The combination of the sedative, the memories and the news that John was there, caused Natalie to start crying. Dr. Crosby moved toward her, but stopped when the door opened and Michael peeked his head in.

"How is she?"

"I managed to get her out of the hypnosis, but she's still very agitated from the memories."

"I am still here you know." Natalie snapped through her tears.

"I can handle it from here," Michael said softly as he walked the other Doctor to the door. Once he was gone, Michael went over to Natalie and took the seat that was facing her, Natalie however just turned away.

"Go away Michael."

"No."

"I don't want you here."

"Too bad."

"You don't know what I did…"

Michael sighed. "John told me."

Natalie rolled over and finally faced him. "So you know I was part of the reason your father was shot? That I was the bait? How can you even look at me?"

"Because you weren't to blame. Natalie you were five years old. A helpless child. You didn't pull that trigger."

"I didn't do anything to stop it from happening."

"What could you have done?"

Natalie just remained silent. Michael inched the chair closer to her bed and took her hand. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Because of your courage we know who shot our father. You put yourself through hell for us Natalie. Thank you."

Seeing how drained Natalie looked, Michael stood up. "I guess you want to get out of here."

Natalie managed a weak nod.

"I'll get the release papers for you to sign," Michael said as he left the room. Once he was back in the waiting room, John rushed toward him.

"Is she okay?"

Michael's face was serious but he nodded, "she's still heavily sedated and shook up, but she will be fine."

Without even asking permission John all but ran into her room, needing to see for himself that she was fine. When he entered the room, Natalie looked toward him for a second but then looked away.

"Hey," he said softly as he lingered in the doorway.

Once again, she didn't respond.

"Are you okay?"

She just nodded.

"God Natalie…." He began but stopped when Michael came back into the room. Though aware he was interrupting, Michael did not care. "So I have the release papers here. Did you want me to call Rex or someone to pick you up?"

Natalie began to nod but John cut her off. "I'll take her."

"John you don't…" Natalie began.

"I'm taking her."

Seeing that this wasn't something up for discussion, Michael just nodded. "Sign there and you are free."

Natalie weakly scribbled her name, and then tried to get up. The sedative was still in effect, so she swayed slightly. "I'll help you to the car," Michael said as he took a hold of her arm.

The entire ride to Llanfair was spent in silence, Natalie still feeling guilty over her part in the death of Thomas McBain, and John trying to control himself. He still hated that she had put her own health on the line for him.

Natalie didn't speak until John began to pull into the driveway, "keep driving past the main house and toward the pool, the Carriage house will be on your left."

"The Carriage house?" he questioned.

"Dad had my things moved in there while we were in Grand Cayman," Natalie said weakly. "He just thought with Jess having the baby any day I could use the space."

John nodded and continued driving. After pulling into the small driveway he helped Natalie out of the car and up to the doorway. "Natalie…" John sighed, "why did you do it? Why did you put yourself through that?"

"We didn't have any other leads," Natalie said very softly, unable to meet his eyes.

John shook his head. "We would have found something, you didn't need to put yourself through that. God Natalie, I was in that room, I heard your screams. I watched you re-live that experience. Why did you put yourself through that?" he repeated.

Natalie just stared at him for a few seconds, then she turned and unlocked the door. Steeping into the Carriage house she fixed him with one last look, "If you don't know the answer to that John, then we have absolutely no chance at all."

Without waiting for a response, Natalie closed the door and retreated from his view.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

The new few days flew by quickly as Bo and John had finally managed to locate Margaret and verify Paige's story. They hadn't officially brought her in as they knew doing so could tip off Spencer who happened to be away in New York at a medical conference. So for now, they were watching her. Spencer was due back the following day, and plans were already in place for both Margaret and Spencer to be brought in simultaneously.

John hadn't seen or heard from Natalie at all since their last encounter at the Carriage house and it was clear she was going to great extremes to avoid him. Their last conversation had been echoing in his mind for days,

"_We would have found something, you didn't need to put yourself through that. God Natalie, I was in that room, I heard your screams. I watched you re-live that experience. Why did you put yourself through that?" _

"_If you don't know the answer to that John, then we have absolutely no chance at all."_

He wanted to believe that she was referring to still being in love with him, but John couldn't help but think that was just his wishful thinking, especially as he remembered her comments about her wanting to be seen as his equal.

Despite the fact they were in the middle of the case John realized that they needed to finally put all the cards on the table – and for the first time he would be the one to initiate it.

Pulling out his cell phone, he quickly dialed.

It was just turning 10:00 when Natalie's cell phone rang. Looking up from the book she was studying she groaned, very temped to ignore it. But when she recognized that it was Mac calling, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh Natalie, thank god you answered," the older man said, sounding worried. "I have been going over these books for the last hour and I think I did something wrong."

Natalie smiled and leaned back on the sofa. During the time she worked at Rodi's, Mac had always left her in charge of the books due to his tendency to overlook things.

"I'm sure it's nothing, I'll stop by tomorrow afternoon and look for myself."

"No!" Mac exclaimed, "I mean I have an appointment with the accountant first thing and if he sees them like this he could shut the place down. Could you please come by now?"

Sighing, Natalie stood up. "Sure Mac, I am on my way."

After letting herself into Rodi's, Natalie shut and locked the doors. "Mac?" she called out as she entered the main area, but froze when she noticed John standing by the pool table.

"What are you doing here? Where's Mac?" Natalie asked as she looked around the empty bar.

"He's at home."

"What? He called me asked for some help with the books…" Natalie trailed off as she noticed John's guilty expression. "And obviously that was a set up."

"You've been avoiding me for almost a week."

"I haven't been avoiding you John, I've just been busy." The look John shot her told Natalie he wasn't buying it. Finally with a sigh she gave in, "John I don't want to fight with you again."

"Either do I, that's why I brought you here. We need to talk about this."

"John we agreed to wait until after the case is over. Solving your fathers murder is more important then our continuous problems."

"No it's not." John spoke so softly that Natalie had trouble hearing him. When she did she just stared at him in shock. "What?"

"It's not more important. My father has been dead for twenty-three years and whether I find his killer or not, nothing is going to bring him back. You're here now and I want to get things cleared up before I lose you too."

Natalie's jaw dropped. In the three years that she'd known him that was probably the most open John had ever been. After that, she couldn't say no. "Okay, let's do it then." Natalie dropped her purse on a nearby table and shrugged out of her jacket. As she did, John walked around the pool table and took down two cues. He then handed one to a puzzled Natalie.

"I thought you wanted to talk, not play pool."

"I do. You were right when you said that whenever we try and talk about things it ends up in a fight, and we proved that when we were in Grand Cayman. I don't want a repeat of that."

"And pool is the answer?" Natalie asked skeptically.

John nodded. "Remember emotional strip poker?"

She nodded as her face flushed red at the memory.

_**Natalie:** Have you ever played emotional strip poker? It's fun. It is. See, the loser of the hand has to tell the winner something they never told them before. No holding back allowed._

_**Natalie**: Don't mess with the champ, lieutenant. _

_John: That's a good hand. _

_**Natalie**: Mm-hmm. _

_**John:** Two pair -- that's a very good hand. But I -- I think that one might be better. _

_So, by your own rules, you need to tell me something that you've never told me before. How'd you say it? "No holding back." _

_**Natalie**: I've never stopped loving you. _

_**John:** I didn't realize we were going to be getting that personal. _

_**Natalie**: The name of the game. Bare your soul. What, is it too tough for you? Ok, look, I could have not lost any more hands, and then I never would have been able to say it. _

_**John**: Why? Do you think I'm going to let you win? _

_**Natalie**: Don't worry. You -- you don't have to say anything back. And I'm not -- I'm not going to do anything about it. Look, I know that you and I had our chance, and you were too closed off and I was too needy. _

_**John:** You weren't too needy. _

_**Natalie**: Ok. Anyway, I -- I still feel the same way I did then, and, ok, now it's out in the open. So what do we do, stop playing? Or are you up for another round? _

_**John:** All I'm saying is I better keep winning because I don't like talking about feelings. _

"Yeah, I do remember it."

"Well I suggest we play emotional strip pool. Every time the other person makes a shot they get to ask the other person something, or take the opportunity to get something off their chest – uninterrupted."

Natalie cracked a small smile. "Are you sure that's fair? It seems like I have the advantage here."

John shot her a matching grin. "I can be good when I need to be."

"All right," she agreed. "Rack them up."

Natalie took the first shot and sent the balls flying all over the table including two into the pockets. Knowing it was all on her, she looked over at him. "I'm sorry about the things I said in Grand Cayman, I was mad and I didn't mean most of them." She spoke softly.

John nodded. "I'm sorry too."

Relieved that that had been cleared up, Natalie leaned back over the pool table and took another shot. She smiled as she watched the green ball slip into the pocket. Taking a deep breath she turned and faced him. "How can you even look at me?"

John's looked at her in complete shock. "What do you mean?"

"I watched your father die John, I was right there – I was what lured him to that alley in the first place. How can you even look at me knowing the role I played?" she said softly, as she busied herself with chalking her pool cue to avoid having to look at him.

"You were five years old Natalie."

She just remained silent.

John sighed. "Natalie you had nothing to do with my father's death – that was all Spencer and Walter, you were just an innocent child caught in the crossfire. You can't blame yourself for that."

"But won't I just be this reminder whenever you see me?"

"Yes, you will always be a reminder, but not in the way you think. Natalie, whenever I see you I am reminded of what you put yourself through so I could get answers… how if it wasn't for you I would probably never have known what really happened that night. Of how strong and amazing you are, and of how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life. That's what I am reminded of when I look at you."

Touched by John's words, Natalie managed a small smile. "Okay…" she replied softly, not really sure of what else to say. Wanting to change the subject, Natalie leaned back over the table and took another shot. Once again she sunk a ball. She took a second to think about what to ask when finally it came to her – something that had bothered her for sometime. "Why did you kiss Kathryn at the train station? I mean it seemed like things were finally looking up for us, that we had a chance and you kiss her."

John was completely stunned. Whatever he had been expecting this hadn't been it. Not only had that happened years ago, but he had no idea that Natalie had even witnessed it. He raked a hand through his hair. "You saw that?"

Natalie nodded keeping her eyes down. "I didn't want to say anything…"

John sighed. "I don't know why I did it. I guess I was still caught between Caitlyn and moving on. Then Kathryn showed up and she was like my last link to Caitlyn. It didn't mean anything, it was just a mistake."

Without saying anything else, Natalie lined up another shot and once again sunk a ball. "Were you in love with Evangeline?"

Realizing that Natalie was wasn't beating around the bush, John sighed. "No. It was just about sex."

Again Natalie nodded and took the next shot. When another ball found its way into a pocket, John wondered if he had made a mistake in suggesting this. There was something he needed to say and if Natalie kept this up he may not get the chance. A hint of anger coming into her eyes, she turned and faced John with a serious look. "Why didn't you tell me about Cris? Ws it really because of a stupid promise?"

This was the question he had been dreading, but he was the one that had said complete honesty. "Part of it was because of the promise."

"And the other part?" Natalie pressed.

John sighed. "Right after I found out about Cris I had a dream about you." Natalie remained silent and John knew he had to continue. "I saw you at the diner, talking to Carlotta, about how hopeful you were that Cris's newest appeal would go through. Then I saw a different you. This time you were in the diner with two kids talking to Carlotta about how he would have been happy for you."

"I had children?"

"A boy and girl."

"And because of this dream you decided not to tell me?"

John nodded. "I wanted you to have a chance at happiness, and I wanted you to be able to move on. I didn't want you sitting around and wasting your life hoping someday he would get out."

"But it wasn't your decision to make John." Natalie snapped.

"I know that now."

Natalie sighed. After being silent for a few minutes she finally spoke. "The problem with you John is that you're always trying to protect me. And yeah I know that I have given you enough reasons too in the past, but this time was different. This wasn't a serial killer after me, this wasn't me making a bad decision, this was my husband. The man I vowed to be with during the good times and bad."

"I made a mistake."

"Yeah you did." Seeing the way John's face seemed to fall Natalie continued. "And it took awhile but I've forgiven you for it."

"You have?" John was genuinely surprised.

She nodded. "I know you were trying to protect me and went about it in bad way - but I know it wasn't to hurt me." Figuring that had finally been cleared up Natalie once again took a shot, and sunk yet another ball. "Before Statesville, when I told you that it wouldn't matter if Cris came back that I had already made my decision, did you believe me?"

"Why do I feel like I made a mistake in suggesting this?" John muttered. "No I didn't," he answered honestly.

"Why not?"

"Because he was your husband, the man it took you years to get over. I didn't think I could compete with that."

"Even though I always made it perfectly clear that you were the man I was in love with?"

John nodded.

Frustrated by John's past assumptions and actions, Natalie took a shot and this time missed. Swearing under her breath, she backed away from the table and let John move. Knowing this was probably the most important shot he'd ever make, he spent a few seconds focusing on the table before he went.

The ball slid right into the corner pocket.

Knowing it was now or never, John took a deep breath and looked up at Natalie. Then he opened his mouth and spoke what was probably the most important words he ever would ever speak again.

"I've always loved you."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine **

"I've always loved you."

Seeing that Natalie looked about ready to pass out from shock, John continued. "I won't be all cliché and romantic and say I loved you the second I walked into Crossroads, because it would be a lie. But the moment I met you, I did want you. I had read your case file and seen your picture, but it didn't do you justice. Here you were, beautiful, sexy, and completely confident. You never put up with my crap and even called me on the way I was looking at you. Cristian always saw it, from day one he recognized the way I was undressing you with my eyes," John laughed softly and began to pace the room. "And no, it wasn't just part of my act of the sleazily pool shark. But can you blame me? The night before your wedding when I showed up with the plane tickets, I was half hoping that you'd be the type of bride who needed one more wild night of passion with a complete stranger. And as much I doubted you would be, it was still disappointing when I went back to my hotel room alone."

Still speechless, Natalie remained silent.

"Then Vegas happened and everything changed. I stopped just wanting you, and began to care about it. The day I showed up at Llanfair and you hit me and started screaming about how much you hated m, I saw myself in you. It brought back all those memories of losing Caitlyn that I had just pushed aside. Suddenly it wasn't just about sex. It killed me to know that because of my actions you had to go through what I did, during what was the worst time of my life. So I stuck around, wanting to make sure you got through it, wanting to make sure that unlike me, you actually turned out okay."

Finally finding her voice, Natalie spoke. "John…"

But he held up a hand and stopped her. "No, I need to get this out. You know I hate talking about my feelings, and my thoughts so if I don't say it now, I may never will. Somehow you actually managed to forgive me, and we began friends. But you were right, we were never just friends… there was always something more. At first I couldn't admit it to myself because of Caitlyn, even after six years I still felt obligated to her. You helped me with that, but by the time I was ready to focus on us, you had moved on."

Natalie started to speak again, but John rushed on. "So, to hide from the hurt I started sleeping with Evangeline. There was never anything there, just sex. I forced myself not to feel anything for either of you. Then when Hayes took you and I walked into that gym and saw you both hanging there above those flames. Well, I couldn't deny it anymore… it was in that second I realized I was in love with you."

John stopped pacing and looked straight at her. "Then Hayes grabbed you, and I had to go back into denial. Finally after weeks I found you and realized I had to stop lying to myself. So, I finally let you in, finally started that relationship that took us three years to get to - but all the while still pretending that I didn't love you. I couldn't admit to it again, not when knowing that Cris was in jail. So I pushed it away. Let myself be with you, but refused to admit I loved you."

"What changed?" Natalie asked softly. "I mean after Cris came back you never fought for me just pushed me away. Why?"

"You asked me to stay away."

Natalie forced herself not to roll her eyes at John's stupidity. "I didn't mean it."

Now it was John's turn to look at her like she was crazy. "But you said it."

Deciding now was not the time to argue over the complexity of women, Natalie repeated her earlier question. "So what changed?"

"You started helping me with this case, and then we found out that Paige was the doctor." John let out a small laugh. "Here I was ready to pound the life out of anything I could get my hands on, and you drag me to the gym to teach you how to fight. It was in that second I allowed myself to admit what I already knew; I was in love with you."

Natalie's brow furrowed in confusion. "My taking you to Roarke's did that?"

"It was more the fact that you knew what I needed. That despite everything I put you through you still cared enough to take my mind off it."

"So you did mean it…" Natalie muttered softly under her breath.

"Meant what?" John asked confused by her reaction.

"The night we got drunk and almost slept together you whispered "I love you Natalie" in your sleep."

Realization dawned on him. "That's why you left."

Natalie nodded. "I didn't want to get my hopes up…"

"I love you Natalie, and I just hope it's not too late for us."

Natalie shook her head, a few tears beginning to fall from her eyes. Taking this as a sign of rejection, John started to back up but stopped when Natalie softly spoke.

"No, it's not too late."

"What?" John asked in disbelief.

Natalie seductively walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. "It's not to late for us. I love you too John." She replied before leaning up and capturing his mouth in a more passionate kiss.

They remained locked in a tight embrace until John pulled away and stared seriously into her eyes. "I promise that this time will be different. No more lies and no more secrets."

Natalie smiled through the few tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. "John every relationship is going to have those few secrets, but you just need to stop protecting me and let me in on the ones that matter."

Nodding, John opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the shrill ring of his cell phone. As he pulled it out of his pocket, he saw that that it was station. "I can ignore it…" he began, but Natalie shook her head. "It could be important."

Slightly annoyed at the disruption he barked into the phone, "McBain," but his whole demeanor and tone suddenly changed as he said, "Hey Bo, what can I do for you?" He remained silent for a few seconds, but then his face took on a look of barely controlled anger.

Now worried, Natalie walked over and placed a gentle hand on his arm waiting for the conversation to end. She didn't have to wait long as John replied, "we'll be right in" and hung up. Taking a second to calm down, John finally met her eyes.

"They just picked Truman up at the airport. They are booking him now."

Understanding what this meant, Natalie went over and grabbed her purse and jacket. "You go get the car, and I'll lock up here."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty **

"Where the hell is that bastard?" John demanded of Bo the second he and Natalie walked into the station.

Once again Natalie put a comforting hand on his arm, as Bo came over towards them. "John, you need to calm down, getting yourself all worked up like this isn't going to help anyone."

"Bo, the bastard killed my father…. Shot him in cold blood…."

"And he will pay for that…." Natalie said softly. "Have they brought in Margaret yet Uncle Bo?" Natalie asked referring to the cops who had been watching her until they brought Spencer in.

Bo nodded. "As soon as we got word Spencer had boarded the plane. But, there was no sign of the baby and she's seems to have amnesia. Hugh has been in there with her for hours, and she claims she has no memory of Todd, her pregnancy, or the Spencer."

"That a load of bull…." John snapped angrily.

Once again she rubbed his arm. "It's not impossible… remember the conditioning Cris suffered at the hands of Tico? What about Spencer? Where is he now?"

"We have booked him and put him in interrogation room one, but he's not talking." Bo replied.

"Did he ask for a lawyer?" John asked finally seeming to have regained control of his emotions.

"No, but he's claiming this is a mistake and refusing to answer my questions."

"I think I should go in and talk to him," Natalie said in determination. Before John or Bo could protest she rushed on, "We all know that if either one of you go in there he is going to keep pleading innocent, and John your in no position to do something you might later regret. You guys heard Paige, Spencer used to feel like he had some sort of connection to me because we both 'escaped' the Buchanan's. Plus, maybe knowing I am the eye witness will rattle him into trying to convince me to keep quiet."

John and Bo looked at each other for a few seconds as if seeing what the other thought. Finally, remembering how good she had been with Alison Perkins John gave a slight nod and Bo sighed. "10 minutes Natalie. That's all you have."

Surprised that they had both gone for her plan, Natalie quickly moved toward the interrogation room not wanting to give them time to change their minds. As she entered the small, cement room, Spencer looked up at her in a combined look of confusion and surprise. "Ms. Buchanan I had to admit this is quite a surprise. I wasn't aware that in the week I was away from town you managed to become a police officer." Spencer remarked dryly as Natalie made her way into the room.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not an officer." Natalie took a seat across from him and stared directly into his cold, dark eyes unable to believe that this monster in front of her was related to her.

"Well whatever your role in the investigation is, you are wasting your time with me. As I told the Commissioner, I had nothing to do with the deaths of Walter Balsom, Thomas McBain, or your kidnapping. This is an obvious Witch Hunt orchestrated by the Llanview PD and I can assure you I will be filing a complaint."

"Witch hunt, Uncle Spence? Doesn't that seem a little bit dramatic?" Seeing the somewhat shocked expression that came over his face, Natalie just smirked. "It's okay that I call you that right? I mean it seems only right as you are my uncle…"

"Though I have no idea what you're talking about, I think it's time I call my Lawyer."

Natalie just laughed. "Sounds like a good idea with all the evidence they have against you."

"I may be a Doctor but I am well aware of my rights. This interview is over."

"What interview? I told you, I'm not an officer. I'm just a concerned niece coming to visit her beloved uncle…. I mean that's how it was back when I was a child wasn't it?"

Spencer started to squirm but remained silent so Natalie took this as her cue to continue talking. "I mean from what I heard, you and I were pretty close. The two people who had been screwed over by the mighty Buchanan's. In your eyes, that bonded us, didn't it?"

"You heard wrong." His composure was starting to slip.

"Really? See, I've never really been a fan of your brother or ex-wife, but they really don't strike me as the types to risk perjury charges."

Now it was Spencer's turn to laugh, "If all your supposed evidence comes from the mouth of an angry ex, and a jealous brother, then I assure you my lawyer will have a field day with this department."

Once again, she just smirked at him. "That would have been the case, except that as we speak Margaret Cochran is being offered a deal to roll on you." Natalie said leaving out the fact that the other woman was claiming amnesia.

"Again, the word of a woman who not only kidnapped a man but faked her own death? I highly doubt this will even get to the grand jury." The fact that Spencer didn't seem fazed by this news made it clear to Natalie that he was behind Margaret's amnesia.

Knowing it was finally time to drop the biggest bombshell, Natalie stood up and looked down at him. "You know what you are probably right. This case wouldn't have seen the inside of a courtroom…. But that was before the eyewitness."

"Eyewitness? You can't have eye witnesses to something that only happened in your imagination." But even though his words were strong his face had paled and his voice was less confident.

"Next time you shoot a man in cold blood try not to do it in front of a five year old child."

Spencer was shaken to the core but knew he couldn't reveal an ounce of emotion. He was positive John was looking in judging his reaction, looking for any sign of guilt. playing it like he was confused he said with a slightly shaky laugh, "What…. What are you talking about?"

"Hypnosis is such a wonderful thing isn't it Dr? I mean to be able to recall such traumatic memories from deep within the subconscious? An absolutely mind blowing science if you ask me…." Taking in the horrified look on Spencer's face, Natalie nodded. "Yup, that's right Uncle Spencer, I remember everything. I remember how you used me to lure Thomas McBain to his death, and how you shot him right in front of me. And I can assure you that you are going to pay for what you did to John and his family. I can not wait for the day of your execution, because uncle or not, I will be sitting there in the front row watching in pleasure as you take your last breath." With those final words, Natalie moved toward the exit of the room, but Spencer was faster and before she even realized what was happening he came up behind her and held a sharp pocket knife to her throat.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One **

"I know you are watching through the glass Commissioner Buchanan, Lieutenant McBain, I know the two of you are watching through the glass and if either one of you dares come in here with a gun drawn I will not hesitate in killing her. I know this knife may not look dangerous, but I am one of the world's most skilled surgeons, and I know where to cut."

The door to the room was slowly pushed open to reveal Bo and John. Both men were unarmed and had similar looks of anger and fear etched onto their faces. "Oh! The looks of surprise on your face's are truly priceless. A little word of advice Commissioner, you should think about keeping weapons off the desks of officers and away from the hands of suspects."

"You don't need Natalie," John kept his voice steady and avoided looking at Natalie, knowing that if he did he may lose his composure. But Spencer just laughed enjoying the fact that he was back in control. "Really? Because from where I am standing it seems like she is all I need. She's the only eye witness to my crime, and happens to be my ticket out of here."

"What do you want Spencer?" Bo barked gruffly.

"Natalie and I will be walking out of this police station together, and if I happen to see even once officer following us, she dies."

"We can work something out…" Bo tried, but was cut of by another one of Spencer's maniacal laughs. "Cut the crap Bo. Natalie here just filled me in on all the evidence you have against me and I think it's about time I be going. Now both of you get out of our way."

But John knew he needed to stall. "You could really kill your own niece?"

Spencer shook his head bitterly. "She hasn't been my niece since she embraced the Buchanan name. After what that bastard Asa did to my mother…"

"Pa wasn't to blame for that…" Bo stuck up for his father.

"SHUT UP." Spencer yelled allowing Bo, John and Natalie to realize how unhinged he was becoming. "Now if either of you block my exit, I will kill her."

"How do we know you won't kill her anyway?" Bo finally asked and was met by Spencer's cocky grin. "You're just going to have to hope I don't. Now does anyone want to say anything before the two of us get on our way?"

Knowing this was their only chance, Natalie looked over at John and spoke up, "Thanks for that night at Roarkes, it really meant a lot." Her voice was shaky but her eyes and face were fixed into a look of sheer determination. Understanding what she meant, John gave her a slight nod. "My pleasure."

"Well now that this little love fest is over, the two of us will be on our way." Spencer said as he began to slowly steer Natalie toward the door. But just as Bo and John started to move out of the way, Natalie saw her opportunity and took it. Grateful that she had opted for her heels, Natalie picked up her foot she slammed her heel down on Spencer's foot. Once Spencer was thrown off balance, Natalie did what John had taught her at Roarkes and managed to successfully maneuver out of Spencer's clutch just in time for John to grab his gun and shot off three rounds.


	32. Epilouge

Well guys --- this one is officially over! I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much I have writing it:) Thanks for all the kind comments and feedback and thanks to Shama for her continued help!

**Epilogue **

_Three Months Later_

Squeezing John's hand reassuringly Natalie glanced over at him with concern evident in her eyes. "Do you want me to wait in the car?" she asked softly.

John took a deep breath and met her eyes. "Would you mind coming with me?"

Shaking her head, Natalie undid her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Walking over to the drivers side, she waited until John got out of the car and took his hand in hers. "I love you," she said as they began walking knowing that John needed all the support he could get.

Grateful to have her there with him, he smiled over at her. "I love you too."

They walked in silence along the stone path for the next few minutes until they finally stopped in front of the small, headstone that read 'Thomas McBain, devoted husband, loving father and dedicated officer.'

Hearing John draw in a shaky breath, Natalie moved closer to him. "Do you know that I haven't been here since his funeral?" John began slowly. "I mean what type of son does that?"

"I'm sure he understands."

John suddenly went silent and dropped down to his knees in front of the grave. "It's finally over Dad… Spencer Truman was sentenced to death today for your murder." His voice started off cold, and detached but finally John broke. "I'm sorry it took me so long, I'm sorry I haven't been here, I'm sorry for letting you down…"

Now it was Natalie's turn to kneel down beside John. "You didn't let him down."

John looked over at her and Natalie was shocked to see that tears had formed in the corners of his eyes. "Yes I did. I've hurt so many people. That's not how he raised me."

Natalie pulled him closer. "Everyone makes mistakes John. I know your father would be proud of the man you've become." John took a few seconds to let her words absorb, finally he looked back at the tombstone. "Dad, I want you to meet Natalie. For some crazy reason she actually puts up with me." John shot a look over at Natalie then smiled at the grave, "You would love her Dad, in fact she might be the only person who could beat you at pool."

Seeing that John's tears were gone, Natalie laughed. "Might be?" she asked jokingly.

"My dad was the best pool player in AC. No one could ever beat him."

Smiling, Natalie looked down at the stone, "Well then I guess it's a good thing your son never got as good as you, because I have too much fun wiping the floor with him."

Touched that she was actually speaking to his father as if he was there, John once again realized how much he loved her. Taking her hand in his he looked over at her. "It's finally over." He looked back at the grave and whispered, "Goodbye Dad, I love you."

Standing up, he helped Natalie to her feet and pulled her into a hug. "It's over." He rubbed his hand over hers and smiled has he came in contact with the diamond solitaire that sat on her ring finger. "And it's time for me to move on."

"Does that mean you are ready to set a date?" She asked shyly although the excitement was evident in her voice.

John nodded. "I can not wait for you to become Mrs. John McBain." Wrapping an arm around her waist the two of them walked toward the exit of the cemetery, and toward the beginning of their life together.


End file.
